trumspringa

Friday, March 1, 2013

On reading guns and merissa mayer

#totally disconnected topics in the title.

I remember a gunshot fight that happened in a school right across my apartment complex when I lived in Chicago. A few people were hurt, lots of cops vehicles and sirens abound the neighborhood. The security in the form of regular cop car patrols were increased in the following days. I never understood the implications of gun violence or the access to having guns this easily. Across the street I even slept a very peaceful sleep that night and the next 2 years. Guess its the country I came from, I told myself. Because in my country people get killed* (or become part of unnecessary shit) very randomly and like everyone else we dont bother much unless its one of us or close ones.

I was specially intrigued (for myself) in trying to have an opinion about so many debates people keep on having around access to firearms. So I picked Stephen King's Guns a short read/essay about gun violence and its implications and potential roots. A few pages into the essay I felt it was more about King's use of violence/repression/depression in his own books. But he did make great points when he explored why this isn't american culture or how some processes in the system are flawed. Even mental illness and how its dealt with. (Specially after watching silver linings playbook, which makes a strong case for people suffering from non apparent illnesses). Of course this still doesnt help me in forming or having an opinion about things. Like all complicated things, humankind's needs for creating firearms and using them to hurt each other is beyond my limited mind powers. What I do understand though is the politics and power in such games. I have lived in India long enough to be cynical about the government. And having watched house of cards has made me even more aware about how alluring 'Power' and 'Leverage' over someone else must be.

* makes me sound insensitive in my own eyes.

***********************------------------************************

Everyone I know is picking at Merissa Mayer. But what she is doing and why she is doing is totally related to Yahoo. Why is everyone making a point out of 'her being a woman' and being insensitive. She does not rule the world. A lot of countries are still living in (apparent) democracy.

not so creative office spaces!
but productivity rules..

I for once don't like working from home. Because I work in a tech company. My home network can never match the resources available at work, for productive work. May be, if I moved to a creative (journalism/cooking/fashion/sports) I would love to create or define my own work space. But until that happens I can totally vouch for people in tech industry. Productive and team work happens a lot better in offices.

I sometimes think are we as humans expecting a lot from ourselves ? I tell this to myself over and over again that you don't have to want everything. Its ok to be awesome at work and then suck at some things in other sectors of life. Of course out of a childhood conditioning of wanting the best out of myself from anything I do. But over the past few years I am consciously teaching myself to not pressure myself too much. Anywho I digressed. But I cannot seem to agree on outcries about decision to stop 'working from home' for employees.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Thin line

Amusing experiences at the gym continue. (oh and 'why I joined a gym' story sometime later! going to be very long-winded). On my workout appointment with the trainer he literally said 'what abs will you do. There is nothing.' Of course I agreed. There is 'literally' no extra fat. So I am thin. #eureka. Thanks to good genes, bad genes, a mix of both or simply past life karma as the herbivore dinosaur.

Daily I encounter stares, looks, eye rolls, hinting (indicating) 'what are you even doing here?' Umm like trying to be fitter and lead a healthier life ? Daily I observe female counterparts taking 5-10 minutes in front of the mirror, to eventually get out of the dressing/changing room. Then I go back to growing up years when looking at oneself in the mirror for a very long time was told to be a vanity issue. Hence to be avoided. Thanks to that or whatever else like pile up of studies, other teenage worries, friends, admissions, mills and boons, that habit never came my way. And unknowingly I do not seem to have body image issues. I am not sure if I should be proud for having saved some amount of time in our stupid existence. May be will save the smug admission for later ?

The world has tried very hard though to give me some issues. Must tell you so. Like every familiar face concern-trolling me like it would mean them the world if I put on weight. Every guy who has even slight interest in me, telling me how thin I look. Like I am going to die on him or something out in the public. Getting fatter (who weigh more than me) people to tell me how they wished they had my body or could transplant some of their weight to me. First things first, fat transplant operations don't have any guarantees, dear stranger! Working without fact-checks, I will never understand.
The world in such innumerable ways never seems to stop. The noise needs to be diverted elsewhere. Ignore, tell them on their face they are jealous, ignore, run more, be even more fitter, ignore #routine. Or write a blog. Publish it on the internet. Seem petty.

May be parents need to be more sensitive. Friends and boy/girl-friends need to be not assholes. And gym trainers need to evaluate why they are sitting in that seat. I am not even going to point out. #justsaying

Friday, February 15, 2013

comfort food

I know if I tell you aloo paratha (roti stuffed with spiced mashed potatoes) is one of my comfort foods, after kadhi-khichadi, you will roll your eyes at me. But it is. Because I can conjure up those in less than 30 minutes. Ok more than that depending on how many potatoes are getting boiled. But as a grad student I got into the habit of keeping 2 or more boiled potatoes in the refrigerator. No wonder I find it my comforting food.

So today the only different thing I did was making the dough. I had some old paneer which was not going to get used in any other preparation or eventually see the waste basket. I grated that into the flour. Added some ajwain (carom seeds) and til (sesame seeds) and salt. The dough came out very soft and smooth.
(Aai uses a tea spoon of malai (milk fat?) while making such doughs.)

Instragrammed!

My potato stuffing was very minimal. A mix of green pepper, very thinly cut onion, coriander (cilantro) leaves, a pinch of turmeric (haldi), red pepper (laal mirch) powder, salt, a tea spoon of lemon juice and grated ginger. Yes grated ginger! Learnt it from the previous maid. If used just a pinch adds a very good flavor without overpowering.

The end product looked like this ->

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

the inevitable

So I write about living with brother today. I always wonder how strikingly different we are. After living at home for 17 years, I started living in a hostel. With new people, new surroundings, family did keep me grounded. But I grew apart, in a detached way. Further life moves helped me make my mental armor stronger in those detached ways. There was a time when I and brother lived in the same city but were comfortable living apart. By choice. It was a great choice. Because the kind of people we were becoming away from family we would have just gotten on each others nerves. (not that we do not do that now, but we are way mature in terms of giving space and time. phew!)

So now I have been living with brother for the past 2 years. Again it is out of comfort and ease for a lot of other reasons. It is like growing up all over again. There are board games lying around, music playing in the house (sometimes his choice and nowadays mine), sharing turns in the kitchen cooking or cleaning, watching tv and movies together, making plans for weekends, for life, for home, for parents. There is bickering over electricity being wasted, lights being kept on, how I make the most boring (bland, angrez subjis) veggies, his inattention to cleaning the kitchen counter etc etc. At times there is telling stories about work, awesome people, relatives, cribbing about 'how some people suck' and 'should be banned from life for some time' and all such emotionally intimate stuff. There is even talking about poop and fart at home openly.

I remember talking to Someplace Else last year. We were talking about love. In the excitement of the wonderful conversation that was on I blurted 'I think romantic love is overrated' (I meant candle lights, balloons, roses and the sorts). She very patiently said
'I think it's the only thing that's real though. If it weren't for some baseline love, I would not talk to my sister for instance. I feel the presence of something that makes me go to her. Even many times that to me is a real feeling.'

I am just agreeing.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

fear

married friend - I have haldi-kunku at my home on Monday.
I (taking the cue) - oh! so I have to come ?
married friend (teasing) - you know its only for married girls.
I (dramatic tone) - oh! what double standards!

confession 1 - I try VERY hard to understand and empathize with the worries, troubles, tensions of my married friends lives. And I understand sometimes I can never get there to 'really' relate to or understand things. Because well 'I am not married'.

confession 2 - On extremely low days, I know and am jealous of the day to day companionship and joy (and all other emotions) they share with someone else.

confession 3 - May be for some people 'it' may never happen or happen very late. It is an equally REAL fear.

Note to self - May be no one belongs anywhere. We are all just trying. May be.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

new first ?

A first is a first. After migrating to old new territory I was just happy being happy. You know how small kids obsess over a new shiny clean slate ? No ? That's what I was doing. I would go to the page look at it longingly and smile and close the tab. I even tried writing about 'Moonrise Kingdom' 'a film so fragile that merely describing it may ruin it'. And after 2 weeks in drafts decided against it.

So this is what it has come to. Yesterday I missed going out for a run, thinking I felt like writing. I did but the words were not coming. Today I deliberately did not go for the run because a girl needs to work. So I started writing. You see how things flow for me? No? It's ok yaar.

Life is all about creating one (I guess) after you have been given one. Too cryptic may be.
So last week visiting home, we compelled aai to get rid of her age old relic 'the iron almirah', known as the 'godrej almari' in most Indian households. Well it was just an eye sore with the shiny wardrobe in the same space. The idea was to move it out, use it for the sundry winter items. 'Push' 'Pull' and we moved it out all right. But the balcony was not just ready to let it stay there. So decision was taken that it be donated to the building gym facilities. Later it was decided to move it to another flat where a teacher is planning to take classes. But after talking to the maid who showed interest in the iron giant, it was decided to give it to her.

In all this we totally ignored aai's feelings. Well it was her first 'private space' in a joint family post marriage. She tells it was made after giving deliberate measurements, making sure the then house's geography wouldn't be disturbed. From mere clothes to us growing up, the almari spans decades in our lives. She is attached to it the way I am attached to my blog. I miss my old blog. I miss my old posts. Of course I can read them anytime.

And this is why I am going to ask aai to keep it. (well if the maid does not insist).
This is how one accepts being like one's mother.
Overtly sentimental and attached.
Of course we can detach ourselves. But reason we must.