my profound moment of growing up!

I am generally the girl who asks her aai (mother) to pray for her.
Well, it basically comes out of she being the nicer one, her prayers will get answered for sure, even if not sooner. So any big thing around the block, even something as lame as, going to collect the results of an exam, I normally ask aai to pray for me. Dad generally thinks I am being absurd. 1st because he thinks (always!) I have worked so hard. And he being the principled person that he is, thinks how can prayers help, if you haven't done your job ?
I ask aai anyway. Why take the chances?


One day, around 4-5 years back, I decided to grow up and stopped asking aai. How much could she account for my mistakes or doings, right? Felt very profound.
Even though it is liberating to be/feel responsible for oneself and build one's virtues, I miss the paranoid girl, who would ask her mother to pray for really stupid stuff. And would normally rejoice at the results.
I wonder if she knows this or thinks about it.


I know I need to believe in myself more.
My own prayers more.
But it is always comforting to know that if things go wrong, aai can take care. No ?


Did I say I grew up?


~nightflier

Happy Gudi Padwa (In Pictures)

Happy New Year/Navreh/Nowruz/Ugadi etc etc to everyone :)
Wonderful how different parts of the world welcome the new season (spring) during the same time of the year :)


Maharashtrians erect a Gudi (as in the pictures) outside their homes, a symbol of prosperity, growth, one which wards off evil. 
Funny thing, I was giving sweets to the maid, in a bitter-feelings-inside-my-head mood, and she said in her blessings, 'may everything you wish for come true'. I instantly switched off my brain.
Who knows, what part of the blessing may come true :)


~nightflier

La Poderosa diaries

I am thankful generally that a lot of reading has been happening lately. Even though I was caught off guard by the new schedule and my en-office-route reading did take a back seat, I found my mojo. I think happens with stuff you really want to do in life.


So I have been wanting to write about a lot of books and what thoughts they triggered and generally having/wanting to finish every book which came my way. Digression. I recently read an NYT article which said its totally ok to read a book to a particular point and find oneself fulfilled by the writing/story and not come back to it after that. I know sounds strange. But happened with me during Pratispardhi (cuckold by Kiran Nagarkar). I was already in love. (actually thanks to Upasna's blog, I gifted aai this book with the selfish motive of getting to read it!) I reached a point in the book with all the histories of India merging, babur trying to invade delhi, Maharaja Kumar, trying to emulate his far flung enemy, in the course of warfare. It was awesome. But then I just stopped reading the book. At such a point in a book, when it was evident that I would finish it and go gaga about it, I did not come back to it. To me it seemed like a case of cold feet when nearing the end of a great book. Eventually I did finish it over one weekend. And I don't even know why I digressed so much. Anywho.

So Ernesto Che Guevera's motorcycle diaries was fascinating. Not because of the history of Che himself. But as a wanderer. If I were any younger and sans any education loan (I like to sound responsible and grown up once in a while), the book would have felt more like 'I totally want to do this' rather than 'wish I could do this now'. All the sighs and day dreams of getting to fly away from the real world apart, the book is in no way a travelogue. It's more of an awakening, which travelling normally does to one. I was wondering what was the life altering travel experience I have had till date. And I remember being stranded at a village bus stop near Nasik, on way back to Nasik from Shirdi. It felt adventurous then, being with a friend at a very badly lit bus stop post 7 pm, which was not even an official one (it was just a roadside stop, which village people used to hitch rides). Everyone was trying to help us and give their set of directions which was pretty cool and confusing at the same time. That incident somehow instilled in me the sense to be able to travel well, alone. So yes life altering.


   -> the soundtrack of the movie has been my ring tone for years now.


Anywho, I do believe that travelling changes one as a person. Just seeing so many alike people, landscapes, getting to know nature, oneself leaves you with a newer version of you. I am not much aware of Che's revolutionary fights. And I don't think I need to. Because the doctor boy who traveled across Latin America on a bike, boats, trucks, wanting to discover the world, himself, speaks volumes about him. And yes if you get the girly side of me, looking at his younger pics you would fall in love with Che. (question: aregntine guys are hot? ;-)) Also its full of really rich never before heard (at least for me) Inca history.


Rebel or no rebel, this is one book which satisfied the wanderlust in me. Specially with this migraine and squinting at laptop screen.


~nightflier


* La Poderosa - name of the bike on which Che and Alberto traveled.

Linking people or not ?

Disclaimer: To each his own


Since the dawn of gmail in my life, I have come a long way in learning how the world is trying to connect using the internet. People who have been using internet pre-gmail will consider me backward. And I think so too. But I was not exposed to computers and related technologies growing up much, and I have no particular regrets about that. In truth, life was simpler, without the compulsion to be involved in many unnecessary things.


The thing is with deeper penetration of social media in our daily lives, I wonder why people are apprehensive about using it. Today over lunch, a girl said she doesnt want to be on linkedin because your profile shows up on google search and she did not want anyone to know where she worked or what she did.
Of course security/privacy concern wise I understand. And to each his own. Really.


But with my increasing belief in solving problems collaboratively, rather than being stuck on some issue all by yourself, not knowing what to do next, I think networks are cool. If privacy is not your issue. 
Also what I found amusing was the thought that what if my manager/employer found out that I was networking!
Another amusing thing I have heard is if I move on to a new job my ex-colleagues will find out what my new position is. I mean isn't that the purpose, ideally ? To make sure your advancements are visible, so that you can be reached out for any kind of guidance. May be this is too much idealistic talk.
Even stranger is when people are willing to contact a consultant/contractor during their job hunts, but are not so  willing to contact company representatives like HR directly on linkedin. Does it stem out of diverting the system where we are used to do things through agents and contractors? I think direct contact with any HR makes the process more visible and transparent.


What makes me think about this even more is I dont think any of the founders thought about these things while trying to imagine a network of connected people, through their skills, work experience and education. 


I would like to believe that most people are not aware, how one can utilize all this networ(th)k effect to come across as a capable, able prospect for any kind of guidance required in any field.


Having said all this, 2 years back I was a person who did not understand the concept of networking during school job fairs. I struggled to put myself across effectively (it was a cultural thing). Eventually I did learn and I feel the importance of professional networks even more. And hence I champion them.


~nightflier


P.S. Feel compelled to add as an afterthought, that everyone needs to find the comfort zone in such ecosystem. Like the first line of the post.

Listen..

The other day I was talking to a long distance friend. She said she feels something will happen to her unbeknownst to us. I had just reached work and was multitasking. I did not catch what she was saying. And when it dawned on me, what she had typed in the chat window, my first thought was 'what nonsense are you talking about!!' Thankfully I did not blurt it out in the chat window. I waited. And then I asked her why she was feeling so and she should really not try to think in this direction any more. Not that I got any elaborate response from her, but I realized irrational feelings often need understanding. Listening. And whatever may be the cause, the more someone listens to your irrational thoughts, the better you yourself realize, how irrational it all is. :)


Also something I want myself to make a note of - Listen. More. I was a better listener. With time I have just started losing patience. And have started giving advice instead, on those few occasions, when just a smiley would have sufficed.


~nightflier

blabberblah

* Today at a non-work session, I was 'the person' who talked about work with another colleague. I know.
I went on to person B like this - You know X and Y work, but X and Z is what we should be looking at. For that we need to get M and N to work, together.
Please stop rolling your eyes. In the next 10 minutes I judged myself so much, that it did not lessen the judgement I feel about other people who do similar things in similar situations. Like talking about your work at family functions. Guilty as charged and all that. I am going to stick to not talking at all at such sessions, from now on.


*Sometimes I really wonder how flaw-full I am. Also how stubborn I am. And sometimes not mature. Plus given the fact that as I am growing up, I just find lesser and lesser energy to sort out some stuff. I know it isnt laziness. It's just this overwhelming (sometimes) feeling of catching up with so many things going on in life, that I feel tired. ALREADY. 
And hence I want to post letters here. To a lot of people. About a lot of things.
I now know why people talk of detoxing. Aint no judging such people from now on.
P.S. Or it may be just that I don't realize but new work and all is an added pressure, in the sense, there is so much to learn!


*I was also wondering if an office can anytime be the 'as much comfortable as' place everyone wants. As in can there be consensus for the AC temperature, or the chairs or the work-desks. Some things you got to personalize and some you got to accept as part of the infrastructure. Else cribbing is always an option. Please crib away. I will use my earmuffs.


*Talking of cutting off and detoxing, I am 7 days down in this month, and I have had ZERO cups of coffee so far. I really want to sometimes, but water is working as a good alternative. Till now.


* I read 'The Help' by Kathryn Stockett last week, after watching the movie. Well, the character of Aibileen was intriguing hence. I have to agree that the book's characters are better and stronger and have a good premise for being involved in rebellious stuff. But Viola Davis! Whoa! Given the fact how stories need to be distorted to fit in a movie structure, she is just awesome!


*I was just chatting with KT, and we were talking about how people in love do things for each other, which is sweet and natural and all. But my point was if your expectations are not met (in terms of response from the object of your attentions) then despite the hurt (betrayal is too dramatic a term na?) we fail to realize (at least sometimes) that the love doesnt go anywhere, at the end of the day. According to me that realization is kind of liberating. In the sense makes space for mistakes and correcting them and thus more drama :D
KT thinks we mask that love-that-did-not-leave by other feelings. (dont know if I got what she said :-/)


~nightflier