off the top of my head

I usually put a lot of efforts in anything I do. Well, when I was small, dad used to say that you should give anything your 100% or else not do it in the first place. It kind of stuck with me. And sometimes unknowingly also I put my whole self into stuff I do.


This project was one such thing. I had gone through some personal lows and a major existential crisis, when it had started. Doing something so audacious without knowing the chances of success and throwing myself in, came as a huge moral and ego boost. But when the moment of culmination came, (when we presented it to a panel of judges) I was drained, exhausted. I knew this wasnt anything new. I have a set pattern of reactions after anything I have put my heart into comes to an end (or a point where a decision has to be taken). I hit rock bottom. Some part of the feeling is simply physical and mental exhaustion and the rest is 'oh-no-this-is-over!' or 'oh-no-now-i-dont-know-whats-going-to-happen!'.


And in such a state, I went to ESPN zone where the organizers had arranged for a gaming session, food and drinks. After much coaxing from my team mates I sat on one of the racing consoles. But I could not get my sentimental self to play anything. And as I was staring into nothingness (my friends call it my 'staring-into-thin-air' act!) a kid on a neighbouring machine nudged me and said 'You know what, you can take my card and play!' I know, that was the sweetest and kindest thing anyone can say, in today's world. But silly me was so touched, that I started crying. To avoid further embarrassment, I decided to get some fresh air. Having lived in Chicago for 2 years, things seem familiar in any other big city. So without thinking I ventured out and started walking. After walking for almost 4 blocks, I realized I should head back, (in case I had lost my way). In fact I was in such a hopeless state, that I was secretly hoping I was lost. But the most strange thing happened, and after random turns I reached where I had started. 


I dont know why I wrote this down and am publishing it. I dont even know, if I could give words to my frame of mind. But I just want to share this with someone. May be at least some of you wont find this weird and tell me that its normal.


I am happy with the way my life is, but I wanted to get lost. I really dont know if its weird or not.


~nightflier

facebook food-ism

I now officially have a thing against people who upload yummy food pics on Facebook. Its a horrible crime guys! Not because I cant have it, but because YOU have had it and now you are making fun of poor hungry people like me, who are munching on a milky-way and drinking 10th round of self made coffee cos, they are too tied up to cook! (and sometimes the dish/preparation in question is so complicated that, it cannot be cooked for a single person)


Despicable!


May be facebook should have a policy for uploading such revolting pics online. Looking at the pics, I feel like I am window shopping for candies. Now who does that ?


~nightflier


P.S. Bad database day today! And looking at the pics I realized, I havent cooked properly for days now! someone had to get the fury built up within, hence the rant :P

scattered thoughts

1. Came across this and started wondering, what disturbs me the most about Mumbai (the pathetic security issues apart). Its the mall culture! I remember a journey taken alone from Vasai to Thane in a shady MSRTC bus (guess it was 2007) and the only thing I noticed during that shaky, uneventful ride was the number of malls. Believe me, once the bus had hit the highway, every nook had one of those coupled with a multiplex here and there. If Mumbai is our answer (reply or whatever) as THE metropolis to the rest of the world, dont you think we are giving a made up one ? I mean do we even realize where all this consumerism wala culture is leading us ? Apart from the real estate guys and the owners of these brands getting benefited, guess we are just getting sucked into this blackhole to nowhere. I mean where is the Mumbai charm of seashores, sunshine, roadside thelas, small dingy hotels serving delicious food, crowd, locals.
No wonder the slumdoug dude (whats his name ?) ended up showing extremities in his film and got criticized. 


2. Bacchha log these days are growing up so fast (with due care not to sound like an old hag, do mark my words). I have a bunch of cousins as my facebook friends and the transformation they have undergone is tremendous! I for some reason, just travelled far and wide, and the growth factor isn't yet reflecting. Somehow :-/
tch tch..
Time to make the clan proud! Pass me the wig, will ya ?


3. Bubble wrap should be featured as the most un-harmful way of whiling away time. Have been popping bubbles for godknowshowlongnow! (did you realize that last word I made up has 5 o's and 3 w's strategically placed!!!!) To the inventor of bubble wrap and the grin every popped bubble brings to my face!


~nightflier

random..

Does this happen with you ?


When a friend is telling you some story/incident and then you are in the same boat with them, in the river of memories, swaying nicely and then suddenly, a bifurcation comes and they leave the boat and start swimming in that direction. You also want to go with them, be there in the other stream where the memories are exclusively theirs, but you cant. Try as you might, but you are left in the pool to just look at the mirages. And do nothing.


Not that I envy them. But it would be nice once in a while to be a part of such story and not just a very good listener :P
Listening can be subjective. If its someone's woes where you can have a lot to say or pull out doses of advice, one can be the best listener. But such stuff, it just makes you wonder and teaches you to swim. May be ;)


~nightflier


P.S. I want to be a part of their reality to be a part of their memories..guess that settles it..such a nice friend I am ;)