Never too many

Owing to a lot of reasons I have not found time to do laundry of office wear, outside wear. Plus I have an anyone-else-washing-my-clothes-will-ruin-them phobia. Except for aai. She is like the best clothes-carer in the world. (I am making up words, did you notice? Yay!). Anywho no digression.


So I was (am still) astonished to find out how many (^many) clothes I own, when today I decided to get done with laundry first thing in the morning. But after attending a month of office, I still have stuff in my closet/bags which I can wear for another 15 days and manage to go without doing any laundry. To add to the astonishment I have not shopped in 2011 for anything except for this tee which brother got me, a day prior to his bike theft. sob. 


And since earlier I was a I-will-wear-what-I-like *only* rather than make use of all the (other) clothes in my wardrobe, I feel at peace somehow. I am a totally changed person now! (:P)


I know this isn't any record in the world of girly-ness, but 5 months without any kind of shopping is a personal best for me! *Applause*
And sadly (wicked laughter in background) it will be broken by loads of splurging as a dear friend gets married in July. *High-5*


And I am having super fun just planning what to buy and from where to buy. Ah the joy of anticipation! :)


~nightflier


P.S. The point of the post was to make no point at all! How un-like me these days :P

the hashtag post

# The other day a friend who visited school recently, told me that some of the teachers were asking about me. I was so elated that day! It made me think about random school stuff which I still follow, like sitting straight i.e. not slouching, no matter what, maintaining a flexible body (our phys ed teacher used to say that, if your body isn't flexible, how will your mind be? which is very true I think :)), reading, writing down stuff which I like, sanskrit shlokas which I still recite at any temple I go to (well, its out of the fact that I don't know what to ask from god and in an attempt to please all of them, I end up reciting whatever I know!). Such simple life of school days seems bliss no? :)

# I also got a chance to indulge in gyaan-giving session to a friend and was amazed how good I am getting at this activity. At least in the other person getting impressed sense ;)
So moral of the story is conflicts (with oneself or anyone else),crisis, differences of opinions give you a chance for growth, to know stuff about yourself which you were not aware of earlier. One can either run away from it by not facing it (which is possible if you keep ignoring :D) or grow from it by nurturing an attitude.


# Also, I find a vast difference in a naive me 4 years ago without, any work experience and another degree in her kitty. These days I have an opinion on everything at work (excluding the food which is great). May be I was naive earlier or did not care much. Or may be now I know more and hence want to contribute more or be part of stuff. As of now, I am not clear. Hoping that it does not cause many conflicts :D


# Since life is about balance (at least this thought has a calming effect for me), it does not matter how unfair or fair stuff comes your way. To be very truthful, a few years back it never mattered (came to my mind) to me if things were unfair for me (teenage!). But then I was jolted back into reality and had to start wearing my gray shades only to realize it will always be a mix of fair and unfair. Again how you treat the unfair will evaluate how at peace you are. (again gyaan :P) [oh btw another reason why Mahabharat is great. Its gray. Tagging it as *just* a political scripture is a total #fail for me.]


# And my pet peeve these days is people who act smug because they are having it better than others (in their head of course). Totally gets to my head. Also this tendency, to say 'at least my company/husband/work doesn't do that' and act all cool about it. Dude, stop comparing. Its not helpful in the long run!


# twitter, blogger doesn't work at work. But thankfully google reader does. And its now that I can truly appreciate the value of the subscription feed a friend had shared with me years ago. Its so rich in content, specially its variety, that anytime if you are bored, especially at work, it forms for a great break.

P.S. if you need the feed leave me a message will share.

# Come june and I will start using my 3G phone. I am thinking of changing my network provider as Idea has been ripping me off with its exorbitant calling and messaging rates. I don't want to pay them any more, once I start using a 3G phone and hence extensive internet. Any suggestions on which provider I should switch to based on tariffs and plans ?

~nightflier

Antaheen

After a long time, watched a movie which took its time, enjoyed the moments and lingered on. Explored the people in it at its own pace, revealing little at a time even though sometimes throwing the obvious across. It felt romantic. Not in the literal meaning of the word, but in a poetic way. Plus the inherently charming and warm bengali language! 
[youtube link here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwwUt-tEmQQ&feature=related]


Now the story behind how I stumbled upon the movie. Brother watched shor in the city and was talking about the marathi girl in it (Radhika Apte. Has beautiful eyes. Also sometimes we act regional). I said I heard she is Tush(sh?)ar kapoor's girl-firend (love interest) - source koffee with karan (judge me!). He was grossly disappointed saying, but she is too hot! (Guys!). And then google got the better of me. And straight from the wikipedia entry I landed on this movie. To her credit, apart from the pop-stuff I just stated, she has been part of really good projects at least on paper (the kapoor connect has me in doubts still).


So coming back, the movie made me think because, even though I enjoy mysteries and their illusiveness, I have never showed any patience to live by them. Because, the what-if-I-don't-try-to-find-out-what is too much to bear afterwards. Like I always say, hobbes, always gets the better of me. He never lets me pretend that I am fine with not knowing. It's mostly about being selfish. And believe me its a tough call every time but I know I will not grow up. 
Though I make it sound very casual, the mapping to more serious stuff in life and not having regrets later is something to be figured out.


Antaheen keeps that door open. Life moves on, well of course (MSD!). 
Some things are fleeting and antaheen (endless) at the same time. 


~nightflier


P.S. I am in a generally good mood despite the bike theft at home (which might get a post if something out of the ordinary happens). Also good movies do that to you, don't they ? :)

The mummer's trick

The other day, brother came home pretty distraught. He had witnessed an accident. No one was hurt but what happened at the site was thought-worthy. An auto driver dashed an innova. The lanky auto driver pretty much shaken and in a fit of revenge parked his vehicle and got out. The innova back door opened and a very decent (read educated and rich) looking fellow got out. Then rained a shower of punches and kicks on the auto driver. No one went to help the auto driver, not even anyone from his brotherhood.

Part 2 of the story was witnessed by me. On my way to office, there was a road block and 2 cars were parked on the side. They had hit each other. Outside was standing a group of sophisticated middle aged men and women and they were politely discussing the damages done. Not a single shout or a raised hand.

I can just remember lines from A Clash of Kings.



Varys says, 'Power resides where men believe it resides. No more no less.'
Lord Tyrion says (agitated), 'So power is a mummer's trick?'

~nightflier

The Book Thief

Pre-script : I pick my books from random sources. It could be some unknown twitter feed, or friends of friends of friends reco, or simply this. Its the risk in trying out any genre that appeals to me. Friends normally recommend what they think I might like. But picking your sources from anywhere else, is a thrill ;)


I don't feel hungry anymore. Anything I read for the coming few days will seem pointless. Its ok to love a book so much, I think. [added after I finished the book. I have felt a plethora of emotions over the last 4 days and what I feel now is not for words to describe. Its mine to feel.]


After a long time (last time was when I read the Foundation series by Asimov) I sat with my notepad, and noted down obscure words (mostly german) and random quotes. :D
I cannot come to decide though, why I liked the book (I am still a 100 pages far from the finish line). But the thing about good books, or at least the books you fall in love with is, you love them in first few pages. The connect is not easier to define/find. May be its the world war II, Nazi germany setting or the child protagonist or death being the narrator or its stark wit despite the grimness or such beautiful use of the German language. Its all and something more actually. Voices of holocaust brought me closer to German (among yiddish, russian, spanish) as a language and Germany as a country [weird thought inside my head- I would like to be born in Germany in some next life. And I guess this purely arises from the conflicts]. The people it exposed me to though were very much real, their plight disturbed me. It was a depressing experience, if the takeaway of trying to learn a new language is spared. Now death being the narrator takes the book to a different level. It makes it so much more subtle. Of course, you might argue, that how can death be subtle, even as a narrator. Believe me, it is so witty that it is subtle. This must also give you the cue that you must read the book!
[I am strange with things I like, I rally for them till one gets bored :-/]


Note: the post might get unbearably long from here. The book reco has *conveniently* stopped now.


And as the book thief deals with books, lots of them, I feel obligated to write my own journey of books-reading. For posterity if nothing else.
It started with long, really hot summers at home with no outings planned and no outdoor stuff allowed during the day. Also owing to no cable and thus less tv. Must have been standard 3 or 4. The only place to rescue from such boring summers in childhood was the (kids') library near my house. Over the entire summer I read ALL the books in that library. Around 100. Sarla Mavashi, the librarian was extremely generous with me (from what I remember). The last book off that library's shelf was a version of Ramayana in prakrit hindi. Did not understand a thing. But the pictures were good, so worked :D
There was also a comics reading era. Don't remember if it was before this stint or after. Every week during the entire summer vacation, brother would go with his friends to this comics library and get 2 comics. Of course they would be bartered with other neighboring kids, so we would end up reading 4-5 comics in a week. This mainly included spiderman, nagraj, dhruv and other such. Chacha chowdhary's presence was sporadic in the list, depending on how much I whined. Sibling pyaar or rivalry, there was only one subscription in the household (I guess aai-baba believed in sharing) and since we hated going together (my version: bro never took me with him :D) and in those rare cases when baba took us, would we be the perfect, loving siblings granting each other one comics of choice each.


Well, sadly we moved away from these libraries after std 4 and libraries vanished from my life. The reading that happened over the school year would be, Reader's digest, competition success review, chandoba, tinkle, sportsstar etc. But every vacation I would religiously take out all the story books at home and read them. So treasure island, sherlock holmes and a few other children's classics are etched in my mind. Also, whatever marathi books from aai's collection which aai thought were ok enough for my sensibilities came my way. Around this time the idea to write a book on my own, first took shape. Thankfully it did not last long :D


So over my 3rd summer at the new place, I found some book lovers and keepers. After initial barters, it was found out that I owned comparatively less number of books. So once those were over, the other kids (who were smarter for 12 year olds) started a library with a 20 Rs. deposit and 5 Rs. per month fee. Well, as long as I got to lay my hands on the Arabian nights book which I was craving for the entire summer, I did not mind. Plus, since cycle expenses were equivalent to nil during summer, I did not mind shelling out my own money. So one way or the other I could not get rid of books, until I reached a state when studies and boards took precedence over every other activity.


After a 2 year drought which included 10th standard exams, I was introduced to mills and boons, sidney sheldon, geoffery archer, mary higgins clark, john grisham, james hadley chase. Mills and boons lasted for 2 books, whereas sheldon and grisham won my coveted readership. I also happened to read My experiments with truth (and Anita Desai and Shashi Deshpande - WEIRD), which kind of changed my opinions about a lot of things, including the person who wrote it.
Move to COEP circa 2002-2006, and harry potter, ayn rand, calvin and hobbes, few marathi books captured my attention. I remember throwing off my Preparatory Leave (PL) over atlas shrugged and trying to figure it out. College done, but I am still not done with the figuring out. Talk of being slow.


Well, after that the books which I distinctly remember leaving an impact on me, are To kill a mockingbird (Harper Lee) and Eagle in the sky (Wilbur Smith), which I happened to read in 2007. (whoa! I have a pretty good memory :D) Books have somehow been a constant in this life. With periodic slumbers, the reading habit has more or less been there. And as my horizons are expanding and so is my information crunching ability, I guess this vice will stick with me for the rest of this life. :)


~nightflier

on angels (no demons)

On such  days you wonder why people who are having it so easy, crib ?
Of course, it looks easier as an outsider. It always will. God only knows if its really any easy for them or not.
Or may be whats your difficult may be their very very tough, can’t handle scenario. May be their difficult then just as easy for you.


And that’s why you have friends (shrinks), boy/girl friends, husbands/wives, parents, siblings, who would judge you and still bear you.
I am glad I have my fair share of people, in front of whom I can be this vulnerable, wet sob (which usually I am not, unless you provoke me), who would grimace on the inside, but at the same time pat me and tell me how strong I am. Yes conflicting emotions, but totally permitted given the circumstances. ;)


I always think that you are given or you receive your fair share of ‘situations’ depending on how much you can stretch yourself. Once your tensile strength has been tested the body and mind go into auto heal (this is my most visited shrink’s terminology) and you don’t reach break point again. Unless you are sinisterly self destructive.


Also, I and kt have a theory that you in difficult (hard, messy) times (of course this is a very self restricted perspective. Outsiders might as well see you on seventh heaven) will always receive/get/meet an angel. The angel is a metaphor for the thing which you somehow knowingly or unknowingly desperately (or without so) need at that point. Oh and the word angel, cos we are filmy, melodramatic and in general fairytale-ish when not required. The angel can be anything, a person (easier to believe or hope for but most difficult to separate from the crowds), a book, a movie, an idea, a thought, a song, a sport, just about anything. An adage to this is you understand some thing when its time for you to understand. Till then its either jargon or BS :D


I have made books and movies my angels, on a permanent basis. To borrow ideas and get inspired out of the blue. People these days have become too self seeking, to rely on (I am a realist in the making :P). Though I would love to alter my notions and experience any angelic behavior. Take the cue ;)
Also, this weird theory makes me grope for inspiration (like a self fulfilling prophecy) when things are not looking so bright or something seems wrong or out of place and memory. This is the Calvin in me. The hobbes well, he pretends to hold me back when I don't pretend to fall. or does he ? ;)


~nightflier


P.S. Thoughts at the desk have started flowing smoothly. I knew I was a space seeking person, desk-space seeking would do to. Because the study table at home (it's from my grandfather's era! YAY!) is where I conjured most of my childhood notions about the world in general.

it must matter, no ?

So today I was thinking, when Independence did happen, in India with all the historic preludes and struggles, what was the common man doing ? No, no it did not arise out of some deep philosophical quest for answers. Neither do I want to sound un-patriotic or raise fingers on anyone’s patriotic duty. I am just intrigued. Follows why.


I was reading some stuff on osama, the politician’s version , the military’s version and all that jazz. What must the common man in Pakistan be thinking ? I am sure with all the instability in and outside (read surrounding) the country life must be difficult as hell. With what random bombings and other such disturbances, what must be the thoughts in his head ? relief or panic ? or does it really matter ?


I can never physically witness (or be part of) what went on when we were fighting for freedom and independence. And as Tyler has put it rather revolutionarily, that’s the saddest truth of our generation, that we have nothing to fight for except ourselves and our individuality (and this I state is my assessment of his words, with my limited capabilities). So does it even matter when a guy whom you have been trying to track down for 10 years, drops dead suddenly, in your arms ? (oh, I don't condone what happened on 26/11 and 9/11. Don’t be so judgmental!)


The common man only cares about his safety and 2 time ka khana (daily meals). Must be the (rather sad?) reality of our times.
Oh and yes, I am not sure if what follows will make anything any better or worse. And I also hope, Tyles is wrong and we do find something worth throwing our lives for, why not individually ?


~nightflier

making the non-work to work transition

Despite, how I have strong reactions to some situations in life (consciously not using the word HATE as it is quite a strong emotion in my world) I am quite enjoying this new phase of starting new work.


I quite startled myself, when on day 1 I did not have (forgot to carry) a few documents, I did not panic, not even a bit. I was cool as a cucumber (I am craving for kiwis right now, are they considered cool?), raised my hand told the HR I would submit them the day after or a week later may be and instantly became her favorite in the batch. On the contrary in the past, I have made mine and my parents' life miserable in such scenarios, making them run around, breaking hell loose and all such exaggerations.


All said and done, I am not even minding eating lunch alone or the idea of it. In fact to my amazement, the people watching time I get during lunches has started to feel very personal. Initially, when I showed no aversion to eating food alone, I was concerned, thinking may be I have gone numb or something. But then the prospects of getting some company in future, triggered a pretty strong (HATE) reaction, and things were back to their fairy tale existence in lala land. Oh and btw a friend recently told me, that distressed reactions is a good sign, it shows you are sensitive.
Oooh, I am not sure if I agree or not, but the amount by which I can be distressed by people, ideas, places, situations, one can happily conclude that I am sensitive. More than enough.


So, I will leave these little worries, as something I have grown over or evolved over more like. And that too in a sensitive manner ;)


Also, the cubicle when I entered was not empty, but had a rather talkative (this is a let's not use strong/harsh words post) inmate. With all the benefits of knowing someone who has been there before you (it helps in mundane matters in a new office) I now know all sundry details of her life. Of course, she doesn't know mine because it does not matter, cos she's so genuinely talkative and inspired and pro active. Energy levels are always sky high in this new zone. I am amused by such people. Oh, because they are plain un-aware of themselves :)
Oh and don't even worry if you think she might read this. She has not done a lot of routine things since she had a baby and her in laws started living with her (she told me in such a happy haze matter of factly, I am not making this up).
And it is helpful, since I am not sure how to approach this new phase in life, with unbound excitement or cautious corporate moves. I have settled for this go with the flow feeling.
Also when told about this new friend to pregnant friend, she quibbed, don't talk a lot to 'the married female' (which is not an option as I told you), she might just change your opinions about marriage. :D
Pregnant friend is constantly trying to increase the head count on her side of the world by trying to sell the idea of marriage. I think it is in a way cute. :) (she is pretty not at all over bearing but genuine in her efforts)


In other news, it is good be inside office for 8 hours. I have realized my creativity and thinking is at an all time high in the past 3-4 months (barring the best friend's wedding period). I am enjoying the new routine.
And also a friend recently said that 'You (I) have an open mind'. Its a very feel good compliment, when you are struggling with few other things in life. Oh btw, I confirmed and it is definitely a compliment. (also, I dont know if it can ever be a negative remark :D)


So, anywho, life as you can see is interesting. Work may or moy not start as early as it was promised (I don't approve of non-work days inside office. I might as well stay at home and read myself a good book), but a rather dramatic soap opera has already initiated itself. For days to come, which this blog will witness ;)

~nightflier

P.S. work-wise, responsibility wise I feel pretty confident. And I think the only credible reason is I kept reading, learning new things, up-to-dating myself with stuff which I need to know in the technology sector. #Win :)

Source code-ed!

So if you watch that movie, do make note of the red building near which the train explosion takes place.
That's my school!!!!! (you have to look out for this particular building)

courtesy - google

clicked by my N72 - circa 2009 spring

Also the movie features tons (is that even a relevant metric?) of chicago!!! And metra train!!! And millennium park (that was my favorite show-any-visitor-friend destination) And my school!!!


The building is very old btw (from 1930 or something). There are still those old elevators inside which take 4 minutes to travel 4 floors!! And there are spiral iron staircases too! They have kept and maintained all these antic(s) from times gone by. iLike!


Oh btw, I had gone equally crazy after seeing bhagat singh (ajay devgan wali) movie, because they had shot extensively in our undergrad college. :D 
[before that I used to be amused by such going-crazy people!]


And to think that, I was going to skip on the movie today, and to remain down in the dumps. I am glad for taking this good decision! Sometimes strangest co-incidences can cheer you up! :)


~nightflier