to run or not

I feel weirdly good today about writing this post. I started running in January this year. Treadmill and on road. After my first 5k (run + walk) in a rush of excitement I jotted down the feeling of achievement. By the end of the day when initial joy was taken over by exhaustion and other bodily tiredness, I told myself let's do a few more runs and then write it down. Then one day while running on the treadmill I did something terribly wrong, while trying to change my running technique and hurt an ankle ligament. In the world of pain killers and ankle support I missed out on 3 weeks of running. The effective advice from the doctor being wait till the swelling and pain goes away and then start rebuilding. (also the very well known and effective R.I.C.E. rest, ice, compress, elevate mantra).

Post that I immediately stopped running on the treadmill and stuck to cycling in the gym and running outside. After 3 months, today I ran my first 5k with a 50 meters walking break, to regulate my breathing.
And I told myself stop being hard on yourself and celebrate a bit. Hence the blog post.

I get a mentor, a teacher next week and things will change for the better from next week onward. Before that I am just going to relax a bit and share what all I have learnt about running. I still do not have any philosophical take on it, because most of my time while running is spent on focusing on the next 100 meters or terrain and how I am not going to max myself out. This is what my first 3 months have been about.

* Running in group helps a lot better than running alone. I joined** a group which meets every sunday (weekdays also but I am not yet motivated to get out often on weekdays). Its interesting to know better runners and learn from them.
* I have learnt that I walk/run in a slightly wrong manner (took me 28 years) which causes me the recurring ligament strain. I am consciously working on improving my techniques.
* Exercise after running is much better than before. I know you need a bit of warm up. But my experience tells me that a few stretches are enough to get you going.
* I experimented with listening to songs while running. It has the benefit of letting you focus on the song that's being played rather than how tired your body and mind feels, but when out in the open I prefer not listening to songs.
* I strongly believe that your body develops its own technique while running and hence I prefer sticking to the one I have developed. There are only improvements in the pain areas which I think I need to work on for now.
* Shoes matter. A lot. I am still in search of an affordable great pair. (the internet opens you up to so many articles/blogs/communities that its tough to choose!)
* Being used to yoga has helped me a lot in regulating my breathing during runs. Of course the common advise is breath through your mouth a bit so that lungs are not unnecessarily pressured. Bottomline yoga helps!

I was talking to a friend today who also runs and he told me how much he loves the sore pain afterwards.
I am not kidding but the peaceful sleep at the end of a good run day is the best thing I have worked on to get for myself, in a long time. And that makes me want to run more!

** A friend asked me for company and that's how I ended up showing up regularly. Can never be thankful enough for this!

Home

I remember talking about home. During 2008-2010 I remember looking at the Chicago Sun times building and thinking I can never be far away from it. That was a weird phase of my life. Where unlearning and learning constantly somehow became a norm.

Thank you Roger Ebert*. For someone who did not have the remotest clue how at home you made me feel. (Of course I know you did not go to the office much post 2006) Through your writing about movies and life. You were the epitome of connected living. In the city which let me in without any reservations, it was the greatest joy to know you were nearby. And it was never just about the movies.

*Ebert uncle as I and brother call him.

Contact

"

It's hard to imagine the golden record being made now. I wish Carl Sagan were here to say, 'You know what ? A thousand billion years is a really long time. Nobody can know what will happen ? Why not try ? Why not reach for something amazing ? There is no way to forestall what can't be fathomed, no way to guess what hurts we're trying to protect ourselves from. We have to know in order to love, we have to risk everything, we have to open ourselves up to contact - even with the possibility of disaster.'

"

-- Penny Lane 'The Voyagers'

Cannot believe it took me a gap of 14 years to read the book after having watched the movie. Amazed. Wonder. Isn't life exciting with a bit of serendipity though ?

Prison

On sunday talked to a runner-friend about prisons. Built around ourselves. Making us come back or stay put over and over again. Counter acting forces when life is about moving on, not steadiness. Motion.
Crossed a tweet on my timeline which said something similar. Prison. No escape. Pretense.

Why do we do that ? When I came back from the US one of the stories in my head went like this - oh all my family and loved ones are here. I was paving way for my own prison. Never said it out loud to anyone. The long winded story involving a card sounded better. Plus less pity* and more you asked for it looks.

I still think about it sometimes. My family and loved ones being here. The comfort. Then I see a prison. I tell myself build one with an exit door. Leave when you fancy, come when you crave. Be whimsy. A little more than selfish. Because living inside self constructed walls must feel terrible. Lying to oneself by choice must feel even more bad. My prison is my doing. So I must learn to break it down and escape. Take help may be ?

"We construct our own prisons and spend our lives pretending there's no escape"

Weekend in pictures! - II

Now that the ankle is fine I finally hit the road and ran a 5k loop, only to feel exhaustion and drugged slumber. Atonement the book (highly recommend) was completed with teary eyed thoughts about writing. Amorres perros (first in the bable triage) was seen and liked. Though the animal cruelty shown is disturbing. Dog lovers should avoid.
So here it is in pictures!!
* all images from google

Cliche (reliving)

Going back to past post after last night's prolonged discussion with friends. We were talking about kids and why one brings new people into the world. Completing the circle of life. We all agreed and thought that was a worthwhile thought.

"Living in a hostel for 4 years among girls from all across the state (country even, but I never ended up mixing with the girls from across India well until the final year. anywho) most of them from Marwari background, where they knew marriage was going to be a huge part of their life once they got out of the place. We spent huge amount of time discussing did we want careers. As in what would being an engineer mean, as we aged, etc etc. 

Not a lot of us wanted to save the world. Some wanted happy families, some money, some independence. I was under the influence of Rand then, humongously, and (as Upasna's growing up curve says) 'wanted to save the world with my objectivity'*. The fact is we all grew up. We remained idealists, wanted to stick to our perceptions of careers, life, and are still doing that, but (I think) we lived a cliche. And we are still trying to live one. Not caring if that's what our scoreboard is.

As you grow up, I think somewhere you lose clarity and objectivity. Of things around, of what you want. It happens with me a lot. Sometimes in succession, sometimes in cycles. Always inspiring (to myself) from where and how I arrive at the clarity. Eventually. But the fact remains it still feels like a cliche.

I know not all of us are supposed to break the barriers and change the world like Steve, DFW did. Nor are we all supposed to find meaning through our work/family/love. Sometimes it may come through most redundant (what we think) sources. But meaning does come. If you keep trying i.e. And I hope we live that one cliche. Of finding meaning.

* I still sometimes slip into that mode."

# 1

Build a (vintage) wooden book shelf.