Listen..

The other day I was talking to a long distance friend. She said she feels something will happen to her unbeknownst to us. I had just reached work and was multitasking. I did not catch what she was saying. And when it dawned on me, what she had typed in the chat window, my first thought was 'what nonsense are you talking about!!' Thankfully I did not blurt it out in the chat window. I waited. And then I asked her why she was feeling so and she should really not try to think in this direction any more. Not that I got any elaborate response from her, but I realized irrational feelings often need understanding. Listening. And whatever may be the cause, the more someone listens to your irrational thoughts, the better you yourself realize, how irrational it all is. :)


Also something I want myself to make a note of - Listen. More. I was a better listener. With time I have just started losing patience. And have started giving advice instead, on those few occasions, when just a smiley would have sufficed.


~nightflier

A.L.O.N.E. Time

Brother is off to Goa for some fun, so I decided to have the entire weekend to myself, and not meet many people. Unlike the past few weekends, where I have been constantly on the go, to catch up with visiting friends, moving away friends, school friends, etc etc. 


Guess what, its day 2 now that brother has gone and I am already bored. And he returns not until tomorrow evening. Sigh. :(


I have watched 4 movies in the past 2 days.
1. Crazy Stupid Love - iLiked! Because Ryan Gosling is so hot and Steve Carell is genuinely funny and Emma Stone is such a sweetheart. Perfect movie to lighten up!
2. Like Crazy - Amazing movie. But comes with a statutory warning (from me) - People (specially friends) who are away from their spouse or in a long distance relationship, it will be all right if you did not watch it. I was waterworks incorporated all.the.time. 
3. Inception - Well, I hadn't seen it again after watching it in the theater. And they were showing it on the TV. So watched again and bowed down in front of the TV. I think Mr. Nolan makes crazy movies.
4. Contagion - Gripping movie. Specially with its pretty authentic depiction of scientific medical methods. And what spooky background score.


Hey and I will be watching the english girl with the dragon tattoo in an hour. Post dinner.


I have also managed to read a lot of (300 pages) Pratispardhi (cuckold) by Kiran Nagarkar. I am hugely wowed. Historical fiction (?) and such deep characters and flawless writing. Win.
I am also bored of cooking for myself (and I tried 3 different dishes all right!!) and doing the winter laundry. 


And since I was kinda pepped up about having alone time, I very smartly (or stupidly?) told brother to not call much to check on me. And told parents to chill (yes I use that word. I sometimes feel like a teenager). I also very smartly (or stupidly?) turned down invites from friends to have dinner/lunch with them.


Brother please come back already (I know kind of selfish). Guess I am not ready for people-less weekends. :-/


-nightflier

belonging

There is a charming feeling of belonging about one's home. And it is this feeling which makes me love travelling. It is the greatest moment of any journey.
Movement for the sake of movement is sometimes justified and mostly needed. But it is the feeling of stability, comfort that we humans greatly appreciate. Or must it be the feeling of acquaintance ?
May be that is the reason, that in spite of travelling to a dream bay land of everyone around, one feels immense satisfaction returning to the place of horrible and unpredictable weather in the middle of the night. It is no more the adventure of travelling alone at such awkward hours, or the excuse of running away from the humdrum, but the comfort of returning back without being judged that one learns to value.

Yes! Chicago I love you. Officially.
Not out of gratitude for taking care of me for 2 years without spending a single moment in contemplating about my origins or baggage. Not even for teaching me new ways of tackling life or myself. Just for being. Yes just for being yourself. Without any masks.
Every time I walk any trail along a river/lake side I will think of your myriad moods. Every time I look at the sky, I will think of how your skies' very colours enchanted and consumed me. Every time I am exposed to really boring weather, I will think of your chilling winds and the hot currents you blew. Every time I think of home, I will think of you.
We will never be done. Hopefully :)

https://vimeo.com/30598009

~nightflier

off the top of my head

I usually put a lot of efforts in anything I do. Well, when I was small, dad used to say that you should give anything your 100% or else not do it in the first place. It kind of stuck with me. And sometimes unknowingly also I put my whole self into stuff I do.


This project was one such thing. I had gone through some personal lows and a major existential crisis, when it had started. Doing something so audacious without knowing the chances of success and throwing myself in, came as a huge moral and ego boost. But when the moment of culmination came, (when we presented it to a panel of judges) I was drained, exhausted. I knew this wasnt anything new. I have a set pattern of reactions after anything I have put my heart into comes to an end (or a point where a decision has to be taken). I hit rock bottom. Some part of the feeling is simply physical and mental exhaustion and the rest is 'oh-no-this-is-over!' or 'oh-no-now-i-dont-know-whats-going-to-happen!'.


And in such a state, I went to ESPN zone where the organizers had arranged for a gaming session, food and drinks. After much coaxing from my team mates I sat on one of the racing consoles. But I could not get my sentimental self to play anything. And as I was staring into nothingness (my friends call it my 'staring-into-thin-air' act!) a kid on a neighbouring machine nudged me and said 'You know what, you can take my card and play!' I know, that was the sweetest and kindest thing anyone can say, in today's world. But silly me was so touched, that I started crying. To avoid further embarrassment, I decided to get some fresh air. Having lived in Chicago for 2 years, things seem familiar in any other big city. So without thinking I ventured out and started walking. After walking for almost 4 blocks, I realized I should head back, (in case I had lost my way). In fact I was in such a hopeless state, that I was secretly hoping I was lost. But the most strange thing happened, and after random turns I reached where I had started. 


I dont know why I wrote this down and am publishing it. I dont even know, if I could give words to my frame of mind. But I just want to share this with someone. May be at least some of you wont find this weird and tell me that its normal.


I am happy with the way my life is, but I wanted to get lost. I really dont know if its weird or not.


~nightflier

He's back !!

For long (2 years may be, since I became mail savvy) he was an essential part of my daily existence. Lately he was into hiding.

But I am glad to announce that he's back. Not on popular demand or anything, but on his own will. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, the bugger is back to spam your mailboxes. Muhahahaha !!!!!

On a good girl note, I hope you find your treasure !!

Cheers to the cheer and crappiness,

~nightflier!

This is me...

I am flawed.

I have my weak moments, when I run away, I hide and I emerge back.

I get angry too. (and often sulk if it remains unexpressed or unhandled)

So in short I am the imperfect, ordinary human being. And if you still regard me as your friend, then kindly accept me as I am. With my flaws, my weaknesses and thus in my entirety.
Else, we will tell ourselves that we did not know and understand each other that well and hence were not 'true' friends (at least I will tell that to myself, you can choose a different way).

But kindly try to accept me for being myself. It will save a friendship and a good relationship. And it will be a great (full of drama and emotion, juicy and spicy) story to tell our grand kids !! :)

~nightflier!