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Friday, September 3, 2010

So it happens..

I went blank in the middle of a telephonic interview! It was an ohmigod moment!


I was supposed to be answering a question related to my previous work ex and my mind suddenly went numb. Sentences were still forming inside my head, words were harmoniously joining, but nothing was coming out. It felt like a paralysis. The realization that I could not think of anything relevant, panicked me a bit. And to save the moment I blabbered. Something so absurd that I cannot even remember. It did not happen again in the remaining course of the interview. Neither has it happened with me before.


But it seems it happens with a lot of people at least once in their life!


After all we are just human! :)


~nightflier

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

on cricket, sports etc

Its 2.20 pm in the watch. The day before an exam/interview/first date always seems to go on forever.


Again a look at the watch. Its just 2.23. Unbelievable! Sadly all the daily chores are done with. Its going to be a long day. One opens a newspaper website out of (boredom ?)


The first thing one comes across is the appalling spot fixing stuff. One isn't a religious fanatic when it comes to cricket. But one knows how much the country one belongs to is affected by such stuff. Integrity must be a myth for some people, one thinks. Must be sad for those involved. Last one heard the country was in floods, before that the infiltration and terrorism, before that the anarchy. Desperation one thinks. Must be stretching them to such extents. But what about the believers ? Isn't it a circle of life. The believer believes, the believed delivers/performs. They are kind of self fulfilling prophecy for each other. With even one weak link in the chain, it can break. Sometimes it can be welded. At other times its just a broken chain, with a great story of belief behind it.


Then one listens to SRT's interview online. One thanks god for him. Integrity doesn't seem a myth anymore. Its a legacy one has to learn about and carry forward.


Its 2.46 in the watch now. One has successfully eluded sleep. And one can get back to more meaningful work. After all when it comes to cricket and sports in India sometimes pretending to be oblivious to some obvious stuff, is the best remedy to avoid cynicism.


~nightflier

Saturday, August 28, 2010

ramble ramble but dont gamble

P.S. ignore the title. I loved the rhyme though :P


So there are times, I mean phases in my weeks when I am literally blank. Its like time freezes and I get sucked into this blackhole where nothing happens. So I am going to ramble about whatever tiny eet-bits happen around my life these days.


* I watched scott pilgrim vs. the world. It is PURE AWESOMENESS. I am still laughing inside my head. OK giggling in mute (as a friend is asleep) in front of the laptop screen. You guys it is EPIC. Watch it. OK do I sound like a teenager now ? I may. But you can't ignore that its AWESOME!


* I am reading the girl with the dragon tattoo by Stieg Larsson. I am loving that one too! For once its a thriller not set in a regular American city. Its set in Sweden and is strangely mysterious. And is opening my eyes to how much abuse women all over the world undergo, despite the race, colour or ethnicity. I highly recommend.


* Even in Texas (Dallas actually, I don't know why I keep calling every texan city as Texas :D) I have stuck to my walk schedule. When things cool down late in the night, I set out for my daily walk of 1.5 miles around the soccer field of UTD. I have also got acquainted to the campus and can now venture out on my own. It still remains a stranger university for me. Go hawks!!!!!!


* I made some Indian style pasta today (wanted to make Neha style but there was no zuccini and basil at home :-/). And to mix things a bit, while cooking added some milk in the pasta to give it a rich creamy flavour. Did not go bad. Added julienne cut veggies (peppers,tomatoes,scallions,carrots,mushrooms), lots of garlic, sauted them for like 5 mins, and then added coriander powder and a little marinara sauce (I am not a huge fan) then sauted some more, added the pasta, some black pepper and some salt. Garnished with cilantro. Pretty decent for 6 people.


* I am socialising with random people these days. End up in unknown people's birthday parties (the midnight cake cutting ceremonies i.e.). Don't particularly like it, but then want to be remembered as the good jolly guest from the midwest. Its funny as I very politely wish the birthday person and then hide away in one corner. And that's why I would not like any strangers at my birthday parties. Because I as the birthday girl would never know much about their existence in my party. And stranger if you are reading this then dont mind at all to come over for my birthday anyways. We will do some small talk and you will get the cake too!


* We have tea + scrabble time nowadays. So around 6 pm when everyone starts coming back from work, we make tea and indulge in a game of scrabble. That's another thing that I am finding the iTouch to be of extreme use for. The other thing is reading. And the other other thing is music, sometimes.

* We also made gulaab jamuns the other day. I think I have become an expert at the art of making a good (consistent enough) dough and not letting them break while frying. iLike :)


* And then was talking with dad about the CWG the other day. I seriously don't understand if you are minting money, why not at least have the conscience to spend it properly first. What a shame!


* Also watched a french movie called Wild Grass (Les Herbes Folles). It is at times funny, sometimes weird and most of the times touching. I anyways like weird movies. So watch it if you do too. And remember whatever our age the wild grass inside us is never tamed. Completely. 


* There are times when I so want to be politically incorrect and blurt out stuff. But I am somehow practising self control and instead drafting such thoughts and writing them down. And on more than one occasions I have been thankful for the restraint I showed earlier by not thinking/shouting out aloud. Is it true that I am growing up with a split Calvin inside ?


~nightflier


P.S. oh just in case you wondered I am still pretty much jobless and looking for jobs.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Udaan

chhoti chhoti chhitrayi yaadein 
bichhi hui hain lamhon ki lawn par, 
nange pair un par chalte chalte, itni door aa gaye hain 
ki ab bhool gaye hain joote kahan utaare the. 
sach bhool gaye hain joote kahan utaare the, par lagta hai ab unki zaroorat nahi ..

He looks towards Manindar (his best friend). Manindar doesn't understand it. In its true essence. But it has touched a chord inside him. That moment is beautiful. Even you feel something truly beautiful is about to enfold. And thankfully it does. That's Udaan for you. A rare beauty and a gem. A simple story with real people and great screenplay and direction.

The boy is trapped. Its not that he wants to stay in the misery. His gait, his run, his walk show a subtle sign of respect and hope for something better which might one day happen unexpectedly. He wants to believe in the good. He tries it too. But nothing really happens. And I did not shed a single tear in his misery. But in his triumph. In his final run. I cried like a baby. I smiled too. A friend articulated the feeling quite well. Enthralling he said. And I agree.


All the while I was watching it, I felt something inside me too. I am still trying to identify the feeling. Was it fond nostalgia ? or anger ? or pain ? or a sad longing for innocence lost and dreams unfulfilled ? 


The disparity in its frames, the steel mills of Jamshedpur in the background and poetic nature around Rohan; the moving trains and Rohan with his book and pen on the tracks. I am still quite captivated with the movie. Its every frame speaks thousands of words and at the same time silently mocks the sychophants in us. Vikramaditya Motwane I am going to track your career now. The bar has been raised so high!

This movie should have normally gone here. But I have loved it so much that it needed a proper post dedicated to it. And people who know me know that when I love a movie I deservedly go gaga about it. 

On a parting note..

Pairon ki bediyan khwabon ko baandhe nahi re, kabhi nahi re
Mitti ki parton ko nanne se ankur bhi cheeray, dheere dheere
Iraade hare hare, jinke seeno mein ghar kare
Woh dil ki sune kare na darre, na darre


~nightflier


Image courtesy - google


P.S. I have used the word beautiful and lot. Believe me the movie is!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

A letter ...

Partner wrote it for his would-be-parent best friend in V.P.Kale's Partner. Rani Mukerji wrote it for her newborn daughter in KKHH. And then Mansi wrote it for her future child. That was inspiration enough for me, to hunt down the age old draft and post it. [Had not posted it earlier as I always thought it to be incomplete..somehow.]


Dear Kid,


Don't be surprised to read this. Even if we live in the same household this post is a mirror to what your mother was few years back. And somewhere its your duty to remind her (i.e. me) that how cynical, and irritated an adult she has become. As I write this I hope to reflect on my own life and tell you some goofy stories about life and its lessons. If I sound too patronizing then don't mind I am trying my level best to be the coolest parent around. For some reason if you put yourself in my shoes or any parents' shoes you will realize 'why they act the way they act' and it will be quite an amusing revelation. ;)


And that's the first thing I would like to tell you from what I have learnt from life so far. Don't judge anyone randomly for their actions. Try to practise empathy and compassion. It will save you from many harsh decisions and also open your heart to a range of human emotions. Being human has its own vicissitudes. I hope you learn to acknowledge and respect them early on. Even if you dont understand all this right now, I hope you just make a note of it. It has helped me a lot, and it will help you too.


Btw do you attend your classes regularly ? And do you study regularly ? When I was in school I was too sincere. But thankfully managed my bit of fun too. I used to read a lot. Do you read too ? And what kind of genres do you read ? Please include the Potter series, Little women and To kill a mocking bird in your reading list.


Do you sing/dance/paint/doodle/write/scribble/cook/run ? Any of these activities helps you explore the world within and outside with an open mind. I hope health and the mind's well being is on your agenda. Don't just be a kitaabi keeda. 


And have I shown you the Michigan lakeside ? If not then we need to plan a trip soon. Btw I hope you do like travelling. Isnt it just fun to pack your bags, forget the humdrum and be yourself ? I also hope you love the nature and its beauty. It has the ability to heal the deepest of wounds and shoo away scariest of thoughts. When you feel really lonely, give nature a chance. It will be a good shoulder to lean on and strengthen yourself.


There is one more thing which is very important and you should remember. That is being yourself. In spite of your colour,size,height,weight be yourself. You will face identity crisis at some point or the other in life. But dont forget your principles, the little things you believe in, just to be somebody else. And even if you do forget and try to be something you are not, then don't worry. I will try to be a friendly reminder. As important it is to give others a second chance, it is of utmost importance that you give yourself chances too. Better to learn a lesson than never committing a mistake. Be generous to others and yourself. Life isn't easy, so its better not to complicate it with little things.


And do you enjoy the small stuff ? Like pani puri, a candy bar, leaving small notes behind for yourself and friends, writing letters, jumping in roadside puddles, getting wet in the rains once in a while, drinking hot chocolate by the fireplace and watching animated movies ? It is always this small stuff which matters. It is the joy of small things which sometimes lessens the pain of not getting what you wanted in life.


Life with its absurdities will sometimes amaze you, sometimes dishearten you and sometimes bog you down to the extent of giving up. But moving on is the greatest gift you have got. Use it wisely. Cultivate your faith and a right attitude towards life and people in general. Then you will be able to deal with the cynics and non believers from early on. Don't ever give up on your dreams. They make you what you are. They also motivate you to keep going despite the hardships, trials and tribulations of life. And its nice to keep the kid within alive, along with that dream.


And have an ego. But not amongst friends. They are your mirrors and each friendship you nurture will open you to fun things. I hope you are not hooked to social networking sites (if they are still the in thing that is). If facebook is gone then what do you use to re-connect with lost/old friends ? If facebook exists then are we friends on it ? I hope we are. Again I dont intend to keep a watch on you, but just want to be a part of your life and the changes you are going through. And if twitter is still there, then hope you are following me and vice versa ;) Do you have a blog ? Well not because you like writing. But its a good option for having a pensieve. And also because I would love to read your thoughts. (We have a deal on the being a non creepy parent so dont worry ;))


I hope you give love a chance. It needn't be a happy ending. But opening your heart to someone is a really warm feeling. Love will keep you grounded and humble. Also its not important to be wise in love. Let your heart choose its own way. What makes it happy, will make you happy in the end :)
Btw do you get annoyed by unsolicited advice and suggestions ? (If yes, I am so happy that you are like me) But its good to be a good listener. Also its ok to be a rebel and give your piece of mind to annoying people once in a while ;)
You will meet people who would like to change you to suit their needs or to better yourself. I hope you will be able to recognize what is what from early on.


I am so sure you are a good kid and loved by everyone. I am also very sure that you have lots of dreams and ambitions. Don't give up on any of them is the least I can tell you. But sometimes with life's unpredictability you might have to let go of some. It will be a terrible feeling, but time gets rid of all troubles. So I hope you cultivate patience too. And more than wisdom, being clever is important in life. Sometimes wisdom might take away all the fun there is to situations. And remember having fun is a necessity when it comes to leading a happy life :)


Also never take anything for granted. Always count your blessings. For every crib-thought you nurture, remember there is a kid in an impoverished neighbourhood struggling to make a living for him/her self. But you will always have me and god to crib, cry about stuff which is important to you.


I think sometimes we wont find time to be the normal parent-kid. Not always will we find time for each other, with my work-life imbalance. Then its your duty to remind me of the balance I need to seek. If I become cynical, unhappy and irked by life and people, it is again your call to remind me who I was and what I have become. As you can see responsibilities for you will start quite early in life. Please try to accept them gracefully. With a mother like me, it will save you lot of energy ;)


Keep your eyes and mind open kid. Learn, eat, explore, enjoy, love and be loved. Dream a lot and strive for your dreams. All this won't solve any of life's mysteries but it will definitely make life happy and fun.


Lots of love, laughter and sunshine,
~nightflier


P.S. And yeah do you have a pseudonym too ? 

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
~William Ernest Henley

Friday, August 6, 2010

cooking woes

I have observed, lately I end up cooking good food but with a little less salt.


Cooking is about finding balance for me. If I am losing it there, time to reflect on my life and try to add an extra pinch there too ?


:|


~nightflier