Post palace of illusions

Post palace of illusions.

Mahabharata is something that finds its way to you. Of course if you are born an Indian, its easier. One can say Mahabharata stories were typical bed time stories as kids. One grew up on the fodder of virtuous Pandavs, evil kauravs, cunning shakuni, danveer karna, mayavi Krishna.

It was always Karna and Bheeshma  though who mesmerized me. Strangely I find Bheeshma  Dumbledore-ish. Also the other way round. I think liking for Bheeshma increased many folds because Mukesh Khanna portrayed him so well. And I was always a fan of BR Chopra's epic that the Sagar's over-dramatic version of Ramayan.

When I read Shivaji Sawant’s Mrutyunjaya some time at the age of 14-15, I was instantly connected to Kunti. Her character eluded me. With a powerful boon like hers, I would always think how tough it would have been. But the one thing the book did to my mind was give Karna an irreplaceable place in my heart. You can call it instant teenage fixation for a tragic hero (Andrew Manson, Macbeth, rick blaine, jai later on). May be this is how strangely destiny fulfills itself. (Karna was cursed to be not remembered for his valor but later got counter cursed wherein he would be revered for his greatness). When I would read the book again during engineering, I would just feel helpless at Karna’s unfair treatment. While reading difficulty of being good, which was thoroughly philosophical I experienced the same during the chapter on Karna.

Thus Mahabharata is something that has found its way to me. Through TV, books or otherwise.
So when I took Palace of Illusions for reading, the first thing I realized was how little I knew about Panchaali. Rather how little I cared to know, except she was this lucky female who got to marry 5 men. As a teenager that almost felt rebellious to me, with a ‘polygamous women must be really strong in a patriarchic society’ feeling. Of course I left it at that.
Also I don’t know if I can call myself a feminist although I believe in being myself and everyone’s right for being so. Man or woman. So the book in a way did open my eyes. To a perspective of a woman who came into the world somewhat unwanted, caused a great war, suffered a lot and in turn fulfilled her destiny. That also made me wonder, Panchaali in a way was lucky, she knew she was born to change history and she believed in it to her heart’s core. How many of us can believe in destiny so strongly ?
And her such starkly gray portrayal. Even as a narrator and protagonist, how many can manage to keep that objective view about oneself ? Of course I talk as if Panchaali told me the story herself. The book felt that way. And a really good book can make you feel that way.

At this point, I am terribly missing sharing this experience with KT. She is the strongest questioning feminist I know. And this book would have ensured a great philosophical talk/debate with her. :)

P.S. You might think why I used Panchali instead of Draupadi. The book will explain better. :) 

Hiatus

There is no internet at home currently. Plus work policies include blogging into "social networking" and thus *no access zone*.

And I have had the most lucid thoughts flowing through my head during this one week, which have found a place as random scribbles in my notepad taken during sessions/meetings. Irony or what ? Or certain mr. Murphy's yay moment ?

Anywho, till then.

~nightflier

Space and time

When bamboos and mangoes started living together, things were pretty good. 

Everyone got ample sunlight and water.

The bamboo's nature was to grow tall. The mango's to grow deep. 

But Bamboo was a little mad you see. 

Tired of seeking the sun, one day  bamboo suddenly decided it wanted to grow deep. 

Mango in its all encompassing big hearted nature thought maybe Bamboo will let go of its silly whim.

But stubborn was our Bamboo and continued on its fancy whims.

Mango was a better friend, it gave Bamboo all the time. 

Bamboo was a stupid brat and took Mango's all space.

Space and time thus got divided (?) and did not know where to belong.

~nightflier

P.S. I feel like Bamboo today :-/

This is an old draft, posting it today as the realization runs pretty deep.

Never too many

Owing to a lot of reasons I have not found time to do laundry of office wear, outside wear. Plus I have an anyone-else-washing-my-clothes-will-ruin-them phobia. Except for aai. She is like the best clothes-carer in the world. (I am making up words, did you notice? Yay!). Anywho no digression.


So I was (am still) astonished to find out how many (^many) clothes I own, when today I decided to get done with laundry first thing in the morning. But after attending a month of office, I still have stuff in my closet/bags which I can wear for another 15 days and manage to go without doing any laundry. To add to the astonishment I have not shopped in 2011 for anything except for this tee which brother got me, a day prior to his bike theft. sob. 


And since earlier I was a I-will-wear-what-I-like *only* rather than make use of all the (other) clothes in my wardrobe, I feel at peace somehow. I am a totally changed person now! (:P)


I know this isn't any record in the world of girly-ness, but 5 months without any kind of shopping is a personal best for me! *Applause*
And sadly (wicked laughter in background) it will be broken by loads of splurging as a dear friend gets married in July. *High-5*


And I am having super fun just planning what to buy and from where to buy. Ah the joy of anticipation! :)


~nightflier


P.S. The point of the post was to make no point at all! How un-like me these days :P

the hashtag post

# The other day a friend who visited school recently, told me that some of the teachers were asking about me. I was so elated that day! It made me think about random school stuff which I still follow, like sitting straight i.e. not slouching, no matter what, maintaining a flexible body (our phys ed teacher used to say that, if your body isn't flexible, how will your mind be? which is very true I think :)), reading, writing down stuff which I like, sanskrit shlokas which I still recite at any temple I go to (well, its out of the fact that I don't know what to ask from god and in an attempt to please all of them, I end up reciting whatever I know!). Such simple life of school days seems bliss no? :)

# I also got a chance to indulge in gyaan-giving session to a friend and was amazed how good I am getting at this activity. At least in the other person getting impressed sense ;)
So moral of the story is conflicts (with oneself or anyone else),crisis, differences of opinions give you a chance for growth, to know stuff about yourself which you were not aware of earlier. One can either run away from it by not facing it (which is possible if you keep ignoring :D) or grow from it by nurturing an attitude.


# Also, I find a vast difference in a naive me 4 years ago without, any work experience and another degree in her kitty. These days I have an opinion on everything at work (excluding the food which is great). May be I was naive earlier or did not care much. Or may be now I know more and hence want to contribute more or be part of stuff. As of now, I am not clear. Hoping that it does not cause many conflicts :D


# Since life is about balance (at least this thought has a calming effect for me), it does not matter how unfair or fair stuff comes your way. To be very truthful, a few years back it never mattered (came to my mind) to me if things were unfair for me (teenage!). But then I was jolted back into reality and had to start wearing my gray shades only to realize it will always be a mix of fair and unfair. Again how you treat the unfair will evaluate how at peace you are. (again gyaan :P) [oh btw another reason why Mahabharat is great. Its gray. Tagging it as *just* a political scripture is a total #fail for me.]


# And my pet peeve these days is people who act smug because they are having it better than others (in their head of course). Totally gets to my head. Also this tendency, to say 'at least my company/husband/work doesn't do that' and act all cool about it. Dude, stop comparing. Its not helpful in the long run!


# twitter, blogger doesn't work at work. But thankfully google reader does. And its now that I can truly appreciate the value of the subscription feed a friend had shared with me years ago. Its so rich in content, specially its variety, that anytime if you are bored, especially at work, it forms for a great break.

P.S. if you need the feed leave me a message will share.

# Come june and I will start using my 3G phone. I am thinking of changing my network provider as Idea has been ripping me off with its exorbitant calling and messaging rates. I don't want to pay them any more, once I start using a 3G phone and hence extensive internet. Any suggestions on which provider I should switch to based on tariffs and plans ?

~nightflier

Antaheen

After a long time, watched a movie which took its time, enjoyed the moments and lingered on. Explored the people in it at its own pace, revealing little at a time even though sometimes throwing the obvious across. It felt romantic. Not in the literal meaning of the word, but in a poetic way. Plus the inherently charming and warm bengali language! 
[youtube link here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwwUt-tEmQQ&feature=related]


Now the story behind how I stumbled upon the movie. Brother watched shor in the city and was talking about the marathi girl in it (Radhika Apte. Has beautiful eyes. Also sometimes we act regional). I said I heard she is Tush(sh?)ar kapoor's girl-firend (love interest) - source koffee with karan (judge me!). He was grossly disappointed saying, but she is too hot! (Guys!). And then google got the better of me. And straight from the wikipedia entry I landed on this movie. To her credit, apart from the pop-stuff I just stated, she has been part of really good projects at least on paper (the kapoor connect has me in doubts still).


So coming back, the movie made me think because, even though I enjoy mysteries and their illusiveness, I have never showed any patience to live by them. Because, the what-if-I-don't-try-to-find-out-what is too much to bear afterwards. Like I always say, hobbes, always gets the better of me. He never lets me pretend that I am fine with not knowing. It's mostly about being selfish. And believe me its a tough call every time but I know I will not grow up. 
Though I make it sound very casual, the mapping to more serious stuff in life and not having regrets later is something to be figured out.


Antaheen keeps that door open. Life moves on, well of course (MSD!). 
Some things are fleeting and antaheen (endless) at the same time. 


~nightflier


P.S. I am in a generally good mood despite the bike theft at home (which might get a post if something out of the ordinary happens). Also good movies do that to you, don't they ? :)

The mummer's trick

The other day, brother came home pretty distraught. He had witnessed an accident. No one was hurt but what happened at the site was thought-worthy. An auto driver dashed an innova. The lanky auto driver pretty much shaken and in a fit of revenge parked his vehicle and got out. The innova back door opened and a very decent (read educated and rich) looking fellow got out. Then rained a shower of punches and kicks on the auto driver. No one went to help the auto driver, not even anyone from his brotherhood.

Part 2 of the story was witnessed by me. On my way to office, there was a road block and 2 cars were parked on the side. They had hit each other. Outside was standing a group of sophisticated middle aged men and women and they were politely discussing the damages done. Not a single shout or a raised hand.

I can just remember lines from A Clash of Kings.



Varys says, 'Power resides where men believe it resides. No more no less.'
Lord Tyrion says (agitated), 'So power is a mummer's trick?'

~nightflier