off the top of my head

I usually put a lot of efforts in anything I do. Well, when I was small, dad used to say that you should give anything your 100% or else not do it in the first place. It kind of stuck with me. And sometimes unknowingly also I put my whole self into stuff I do.


This project was one such thing. I had gone through some personal lows and a major existential crisis, when it had started. Doing something so audacious without knowing the chances of success and throwing myself in, came as a huge moral and ego boost. But when the moment of culmination came, (when we presented it to a panel of judges) I was drained, exhausted. I knew this wasnt anything new. I have a set pattern of reactions after anything I have put my heart into comes to an end (or a point where a decision has to be taken). I hit rock bottom. Some part of the feeling is simply physical and mental exhaustion and the rest is 'oh-no-this-is-over!' or 'oh-no-now-i-dont-know-whats-going-to-happen!'.


And in such a state, I went to ESPN zone where the organizers had arranged for a gaming session, food and drinks. After much coaxing from my team mates I sat on one of the racing consoles. But I could not get my sentimental self to play anything. And as I was staring into nothingness (my friends call it my 'staring-into-thin-air' act!) a kid on a neighbouring machine nudged me and said 'You know what, you can take my card and play!' I know, that was the sweetest and kindest thing anyone can say, in today's world. But silly me was so touched, that I started crying. To avoid further embarrassment, I decided to get some fresh air. Having lived in Chicago for 2 years, things seem familiar in any other big city. So without thinking I ventured out and started walking. After walking for almost 4 blocks, I realized I should head back, (in case I had lost my way). In fact I was in such a hopeless state, that I was secretly hoping I was lost. But the most strange thing happened, and after random turns I reached where I had started. 


I dont know why I wrote this down and am publishing it. I dont even know, if I could give words to my frame of mind. But I just want to share this with someone. May be at least some of you wont find this weird and tell me that its normal.


I am happy with the way my life is, but I wanted to get lost. I really dont know if its weird or not.


~nightflier

facebook food-ism

I now officially have a thing against people who upload yummy food pics on Facebook. Its a horrible crime guys! Not because I cant have it, but because YOU have had it and now you are making fun of poor hungry people like me, who are munching on a milky-way and drinking 10th round of self made coffee cos, they are too tied up to cook! (and sometimes the dish/preparation in question is so complicated that, it cannot be cooked for a single person)


Despicable!


May be facebook should have a policy for uploading such revolting pics online. Looking at the pics, I feel like I am window shopping for candies. Now who does that ?


~nightflier


P.S. Bad database day today! And looking at the pics I realized, I havent cooked properly for days now! someone had to get the fury built up within, hence the rant :P

scattered thoughts

1. Came across this and started wondering, what disturbs me the most about Mumbai (the pathetic security issues apart). Its the mall culture! I remember a journey taken alone from Vasai to Thane in a shady MSRTC bus (guess it was 2007) and the only thing I noticed during that shaky, uneventful ride was the number of malls. Believe me, once the bus had hit the highway, every nook had one of those coupled with a multiplex here and there. If Mumbai is our answer (reply or whatever) as THE metropolis to the rest of the world, dont you think we are giving a made up one ? I mean do we even realize where all this consumerism wala culture is leading us ? Apart from the real estate guys and the owners of these brands getting benefited, guess we are just getting sucked into this blackhole to nowhere. I mean where is the Mumbai charm of seashores, sunshine, roadside thelas, small dingy hotels serving delicious food, crowd, locals.
No wonder the slumdoug dude (whats his name ?) ended up showing extremities in his film and got criticized. 


2. Bacchha log these days are growing up so fast (with due care not to sound like an old hag, do mark my words). I have a bunch of cousins as my facebook friends and the transformation they have undergone is tremendous! I for some reason, just travelled far and wide, and the growth factor isn't yet reflecting. Somehow :-/
tch tch..
Time to make the clan proud! Pass me the wig, will ya ?


3. Bubble wrap should be featured as the most un-harmful way of whiling away time. Have been popping bubbles for godknowshowlongnow! (did you realize that last word I made up has 5 o's and 3 w's strategically placed!!!!) To the inventor of bubble wrap and the grin every popped bubble brings to my face!


~nightflier

random..

Does this happen with you ?


When a friend is telling you some story/incident and then you are in the same boat with them, in the river of memories, swaying nicely and then suddenly, a bifurcation comes and they leave the boat and start swimming in that direction. You also want to go with them, be there in the other stream where the memories are exclusively theirs, but you cant. Try as you might, but you are left in the pool to just look at the mirages. And do nothing.


Not that I envy them. But it would be nice once in a while to be a part of such story and not just a very good listener :P
Listening can be subjective. If its someone's woes where you can have a lot to say or pull out doses of advice, one can be the best listener. But such stuff, it just makes you wonder and teaches you to swim. May be ;)


~nightflier


P.S. I want to be a part of their reality to be a part of their memories..guess that settles it..such a nice friend I am ;) 

The day of the Avatar

I committed a cardinal sin today. Of the highest ranks, in my list.

I watched a movie, in a theatre, ALONE. Yes, all by myself. Includes the commute to and fro and sitting in the theatre for the entire length. Well, I do have my list of silly principles. Never to watch a movie alone, in a theatre was one of them. It is creepy, in a way loser-ish, and (I know now I am going to sound super neurotic) people give you oh-poor-girl-look-she-is-alone glances!

But I watched a movie ALONE! Yeah baby ;)

Anyways, so the story isnt as rosy as it sounds except for the weather which was perfect, in mid 70s and windy. 

So, I already had had a long morning, with some OPT paperwork, lunch preparations for a friends birthday, followed by lunch. After the extremely sumptuous lunch, I left for the theatre in an almost drowsy state. I missed the bus and then when I was contemplating taking a cab, owing to my desperation to get there in time, another bus came by. My transit card did not work and the driver was sweet enough to give me a free ride. So yeah, I was destined to at least reach the theatre! And did I tell you I had not been to this neighbourhood that often, so keeping my bearings correct (which I am particularly bad at) was another issue. After some doubtful turns and crossing my fingers, I somehow managed to spot a sign which said, 'Theatre ->' (it was an under construction mall, with shops still to be leased out). Huffing and puffing and almost running, I approached the ticket counter. And here goes one of the most awkward and kinda hilarious conversation I have had recently :

Me: One ticket for Avatar 3D

Lady: next show is at 6.15.

Me: What about the one at 2.50 ?

Lady: Oh, we stop selling tickets 7 minutes after the show starts (You guessed it right, I was LATE)

Me: Well, I am not watching the movie for the first time. I am here for a re-run (FLAT LIE)

Lady: Oh, (suddenly all understanding) Is someone waiting for you inside ? (wink, wink)

Me: (thought bubble over my head with ERMMMM written all over it and one more thought bubble inside it which said 'Time to lie more') Kinda yes! Can you make an exception, just this time ?

Lady: Oh, well I wont do it the next time (with a sweet smile). Here you go. Can you tell me where do you want to sit ?

Me: (Imaginary boyfriend where are you sitting ?) Actually I dont know, I can call and confirm if you want..

Lady: Well, it must be this one (pointing to a single seat in 2nd row which was occupied in her screening hall simulation).

Me: If you say so..

Lady: Here are your glasses and enjoy the show!

Me: Yupp (Now that you have hooked me up with someone, I will enjoy it even more :P)

I entered to a pretty empty hall. Directly sprinted for the last row and made myself at home. (What were you thinking ? I would go and search for my imaginary boyfriend ? Now thats creepy :P).

Jack Sully (Sam Worthington) had just reached Pandora, meaning I hadn't missed much. Rest that followed was the most fantastic visual and emotional journey of my life. Only James Cameron can visualize things to such details, make them seem real and weave a story (though predictable and stale) through it. The most moving scenes for me were 

1. when bloody humans destroy the hometree of the Navis. I cried through the 3D glasses to the extent of having to remove them to wipe my eyes. James Cameron is a mastermind. Only he could make us relate with imaginary beings (me too, at least in this blog ;)) and make us feel so strongly about them!

2. When Jake learns to ride/fly the mountain banshee. I like the idea of flying and it was simply superb to experience Jakes ride!

3. When Dr. Grace dies. The Navi and their bonding with their environment. Simply touching!

And I seriously can not talk more about the movie. Because it is one of those rare movies, which you have to have to watch multiple times to soak in the details (Dark Knight types). Btw the scientific side of me, was awed by the effects. I have seen many a making of videos of Avatar and when I saw what was in there for real, I was stunned. This is unbelievable stuff. And now before I run short of adjectives to try to describe the movie or the experience any further I will stop. Thank god!

As Roger Ebert said in his review, this movie is an event of our times. Something which you can not miss. So if you are a dumbnut like me, better go and watch it. Even if you have to go alone. It is worth breaking all your personal inhibitions and silly principles ;)

And as for me, I am glad that I watched this movie alone. Exploring Pandora on my own was one hell of an adventure. And I am ready to do it again :)

~nightflier

P.S. special thanks to a friend who kept on insisting that I was a fool to be calling myself a movie buff and not watched Avatar. Seriously I would have lived with a more serious cardinal sin for the rest of my life, by not watching it (in 3D) !

Assumptions

We all live in some.


We all need some or the other.


Everyday, they help us in filtering various experiences of life.


Some of us who are evolved enough, understand their importance and take them into account.


I think like hope, assumptions are necessary to make existence bearable (the trying to add point to the pointlessness bit).


But how often should we question/not question them ?


~nightflier


P.S. I have realized, I am asking more questions than trying to find answers..now how good that is ? ;)

Irresistibly fashionable !

Roomie was listening to this, when we started talking about him and thus my mind went back to the time when I had these.


If you were born in the same timeline as me, and if you have grown up watching all the mush, that we were exposed to as kids, I know you must not be laughing at me.


Fashion in the end is comfort :P


And I was quite comfortable carrying them on my shoulder. (Mind you I had 3-4 matching ones! And we used to get them for Rs. 40 /each in Archies Gallery!)


~nightflier


P.S. Of course fake ones laah, not the real ones ;)