A list..

Of unfinished/unstarted/left in random state projects. Because Upasna who I am constantly in awe of wrote one with the most apt illustration.

1. Books - 9 physical books have piled up on my to read list. I don't know how/when I am going to arrive at them.

2. Photo memory project - I am not big on clicking pictures using phone or any other device. Recently with the addition of a new member to our family i.e. Baby M, I want to document picture memories. I have made a start on this project, but but but..

3. Website - This year my blog completes 10 years! Hence I want to convert into a digital real estate owner. Initial research is in, but rest of the pieces of the puzzle remain to be arranged.

4. Alarm clock - This is not a project per say, but a personal move away from smart phone alarm clock, I have been meaning to do. Call it laziness or sheer unwillingness to take time out of my schedule, I have been unable to buy one! I don't know what will happen to me. 

5. Home lighting project - I live in a rented apartment, but I have been wanting to change the lighting for quite some time. I have not found the time to do any research in this regard to even get started :(

6. Bullet journal - I skipped #bujo for 15 days of February - excuse travel and 15 days of March - excuse work.

7. Medal hanger - My running medals deserve a space of their own. I might just scrap this project and buy a hanger off amazon. #GettingThingsDone

8. Pocket reads - I have more than 100 unread links/articles in my pocket feed. I am a stickler for 0 inbox and that numbers keeps on gnawing at me. I know sane advice is to just delete the app and live a peaceful life. But I really want to read the stuff I have saved over months (I even remember what I have saved over time). I want to chalk out a project to attend to this. Recently Raja Sen tweeted that he allotted 2 hours every Saturday every week to devour the pocket feed. I think I'll take inspiration from him.

9. Blog posts update - 3 posts from the Europe trip, 2 from the Himalayan trek trip and countless other drafts remain untouched.

I don't want to list anything more because this is making me feel like a loser! But sharing this also makes me keep things in perspective. For eg. I really need to start utilizing my weekends more productively.

shifting wifting haaye rabba

• You start packing your stuff. You stumble across stuff you never knew existed. You label boxes. Make a note to use things which you still dont want to throw away. You throw away some stuff willingly. With some stuff you are just reluctant to let go. For eg. the beautiful glass bottles you collected to plant trees in. But never did anything with them for the past gazillion years, because well you never thought you would leave the house. 

       I am sure everyone goes through this cycle.

• You start loading your stuff in the movers' truck. And the helper guy says 'Madam kitna samaan hai' (Madam, how much stuff you have!) and you lose it. I mean you spend an entire day packing those boxes neatly, by compartmentalizing and arranging stuff and labeling the boxes. So instead of rewarding your OCD with a compliment, the guy tells you that you have too much stuff! You start plotting revenge on the helper guy.

• You get the house you are moving into cleaned well before the actual move. That exercise gives you a brief lesson in how the new house is different from the place you have got used to calling your home for the past n years. That I think is the perk of living in rented houses. Each house offers something different and annoying. Which then becomes a matter of getting used to.

• Everything has now been shifted to the new place. You are now in that terrifying zone when you have to unpack just enough stuff so that its sufficient to get you by for the shifting night/day and enough so that if you want to arrange stuff, getting that out will not hurt the larger scheme of things like the final arrangement of unpacked stuff. 

• You take one last shower in the old house post all the shifting drama and hassles. The accumulated dust* in your lungs and on your body/clothes doesn't want to let go. If you have allergies like I do, every sneeze takes you closer to that dreaded cold where your nose becomes waterworks incorporated. You realize while taking shower that you are going to miss this home. This washroom. The tiles. The arrangement of soap cases. The tiny cohabitants like the spiders** in the remote nook of the wall, where its impossible to get a mop given your height constraints. (which is why you never really bothered to move the spider family out). You cry a little. Because water washes away water.

• You want to keep going to the house so a part of your packing OCD struck brain subconsciously lets you not pack everything in one go. You keep some trinkets. Important enough to not letting go. But just enough for another round the next day. You clean it for the next tenants. You want them to treat it the way you did.  The house is now empty during your next visit. You soak it in. That's the emptiness inside your mind. You let it go.

• You still cannot sleep in the new house in spite of the same bed, mattress, bed sheets, pillows, lights, books. The mind still longs for comfort zone. You know its going to take some getting used to.

Do you also go through all this and more while packing and moving ?
* Dust is an integral part of your life if you live in India.
** so are spiders inside your home!

On rationality

In my books - 
Moving cities, changing places, doing impossible things (of course which others deem impossible from you) for the person, anyone including yourself, you love - VERY RATIONAL.


Doing the same things, because it is expected of you, someone else (society) is telling you so - NOT SO MUCH. (does this make one irrational ?)


Of course there is thin line somewhere above there. 
But if you fit this logic, then you know where you stand in my books.


Ask nevermore.


Now the song playing in loop on my playlist :

Your heart's on the loose
You rolled them seven's with nothing to lose
And this ain't no place for the weary kind

~nightflier


P.S. I seriously hate the spacing of my blog template. Makes even 4 lines look spaced apart by galaxies! Working on the code since morning and no tweaks have worked so far :( so in desperation, the importance of the moment going away fear, have posted. Spaced apart!

How do you fight ?

Since we are running out of lists to make this month, a recent fight with a friend drives me to write this.


I am not well with words during fights. Have never been in real physical fights. Oh well. I should stop taking things too literally. 


Anywho, since I am a sagittarius and aai normally warns me about that whenever I am angry (we are prone to sharp verbal attacks), I have learnt to not speak much during any kind of tiff. But planets be damned. I anyway don't speak much. Because I am an emotional shit during fights. So I cry my anger/frustration out. Crying lets out all the negative stuff out I might have said otherwise. But I do write stuff down in a cooler version of a fight. And when the self control switch is not working, sometimes emails get sent. There. Now what would have been a fleeting case of hurtful emotions bubbling, becomes a well etched memory. In someone's mailbox. Hmm. Now I know why aai warns me. May be spoken words are better. Given the memory span of our brain and its ability to overwrite stuff, the moment is lost as time goes by. But I have not been able to do that. The moment of bitterness scares me. So might as well stick to writing. *Send* buttons be damned.

*from google
The harbinger of peace

And once all the email servers have been uploaded with negative energy, I start feeling really lame. I tell my close friends, brother, aai how stupid/bad I was. Aai and brother have a standard response - 'close friends fight. Do say sorry. And try to grow up.' Dad really thinks that it must have been the other person's mistake. He loves me too much. And he believes in me too much. So that is there. Even though its great to have someone by your side who thinks you are invincible, after-battle-scenario doesn't require that validation.
Friends more or less proclaim 'Weirdo. Who fights over that! Give it time.' Cool. More lameness burden over my tiny shoulders.


So venting it out in the open space remains the only smart and peaceful option. Because the universe as they say is expanding. It can take it. No?


Anywho, point is *death by over-analysis* of a situation/fight is possible.
Abort mission.
Peace out.


~nightflier


P.S. I am sure you guys have really grown up ways of fighting. Hmmpf.

*DO NOT*

ALERT : In the language of communication, this post contains negative stuff. 


# *DO NOT* consider the pen/pencil/book/notes I lent you as yours for eternity. It is polite to return it once done using. Either way I have learnt to ask for my stuff back by making you feel embarrassed. 
(Like waiting outside the classroom until you show up and then shamelessly asking for my pen back, in front of everyone)


# *DO NOT* invade my personal physical space or breathe deeply over my shoulder while standing/sitting next to me. Its creepy. And I have no problem giving you that 'legendary stare' of mine. Even if it means getting labeled as a snob/bi***/or whatever.


# *DO NOT* play cute with your girlfriend at a signal and let her honk your bike, in an awkward gesture to cuddle (also applies to the perpetually in hurry random stranger who honks). If there's a RED signal, chances are no one will move till it turns GREEN. Geddit?? And you will end up getting well deserved stares/sneers from onlookers.


# *DO NOT* scold me for practical stuff like 'going for lunch alone', 'without asking you to join' on a VERY BUSY work day. I may just hang/pretend dead in the ensuing conversation (after saying sorry), which might puzzle you.


# *DO NOT* expect me to shower you with compliments or act all goody-goody (with you) just because you praised my clothes/hair/ear-rings/work. I will definitely complement you if similar situation brings forth the possibility/necessity of you deserving a well meaning compliment (not just for the heck of it).
(having said that complements are nice. They do make my day. So thanks for being generous towards me)


~nightflier

processing death

'To an organized mind death is but the next great adventure.' - JKR


I believe he is been put to rest peacefully in Galt's gulch. A part of me thinks aliens took him away. Another part says he has left behind pre recorded messages for the future apple people.


Wherever he has gone, I am sure that place will be better. The way our world has become.

1955-2011
from - google

And this is not because I have been using his products, or standing in queues (for both - been there done that) since my childhood. I feel the impact because my brain still cannot process death. (earlier when I and KT were crying over the phone, more like 'done shedding tears individually, but sharing the loss' we discussed how inept and weird we are at this - handling of any type of death). 


I feel the biggest loss is the one which you just cannot surmise in words. It feels so personal.
The only way I can imagine of processing this death, is by keeping myself in action. By 'staying hungry and foolish'.


~nightflier


P.S. This is the emptiest Dasara of my life. A happy one to all.
'मन से रावण जो निकाले राम उसके मन में हैं'