Pages

Showing posts with label decisions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label decisions. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Thoughts - filtered through the sieve

Getting that itch to write a philosophical post. Maybe also because birthday was around the corner and I cannot help but make a list. Of thoughts, things and my musings.

Travel - I increasingly feel that I live in a silo. I read only particular books (despite the efforts to include writers from different ethnicity, backgrounds, countries, languages, genres in my reading list). I watch only a section of movies that are released each year, which are mostly filtered down to me through big time film enthusiasts I follow on twitter. I consume 0 news or related media. Whatever 1-2% I consume is mostly again a filtered stream and aggregation of people I follow on social media. On a regular basis I 'hang' with people from a particular strata. Even my closest friends are from similar societal, financial backgrounds. Of course we speak different languages and grew up in different parts of the world. But you know what I mean, right ?
better things lie beyond open doors?

The only exception to this is when I am traveling, despite my propensity to hate it. It flattens the world and exposes me to people, weather, cultures I would have otherwise imagined while reading a book or never given a thought to. Whether its meeting a 60 year old dancer on the train to Salzburg and noting down her recommendations for the city. Or, listening to a middle aged Marathi kaku (aunty) who manages her home, farm and a resort while serving and taking care of her guests. Travel has made me connect with people at a very different level. This has not had an impact on me as a person. I think. Yet. But it has been educational. 2016 has been exceptionally good  to me in terms of travel. I hope the trend continues. With respect to finding time to travel and the means to make it happen in the material world, where money is required. Which brings me to the next thing on my mind.

Time and wait - All through my 20s I struggled with being patient for something and then not being patient for the same thing. At times I chose to be patient for the wrong reasons and things never worked out. At times it worked out really well. But what I have learned over the years is, waiting is hardly a good strategy. Few things for eg. progressing in a career, becoming fit enough for running a marathon in under 5 hours or even finding the right person to spend your life with take time. But the preparation for them usually starts in the now. Earlier this year, I ran a marathon. I was not there physically when I registered for the race. Mentally I just felt like I could be there. Post 4 months of grueling and dedicated training, I arrived at the same conclusion. I was mentally there. Physically being there was going to be a long journey. One would rather argue that why go through all the pain if I knew this already. But that's not the point. My point is if I had not started I would not have known what it takes and whether I am willing to do it. Knowing by trying something out rather than waiting has felt rewarding to me. Taking that leap and traveling to places without worrying much about planning and money has made me really good with my expenses and account keeping. I have faltered at times, but mostly I have learned. I have become more thoughtful. Which brings me to the next thing on my mind.

Being Conscious - Over the last few years I have questioned a lot of choices I make, whether it comes to the food I eat, clothes I wear, luxuries I seek etc. etc. and the decisions I make. It has made me conscious of the impact my decisions end up having, not only on me, but people close to me, my surroundings, my environment, my home etc etc. I am still learning to not do a lot of things on auto pilot. Rather think through even the smallest of decisions. It is a lot of work at times. But I am glad I have chosen this path. It has led me to declutter my life, and my physical spaces. I still am guilty of hoarding a few material possessions, but largely I am moving toward a lifestyle of less. And the less I need or feel the need for the more I feel the following.

Gratitude - I have wondered about this state of being grateful for a long time. I have even tried to write about it. On some days I have absolutely nothing. But lately, on most days, I find myself fascinated, curious and largely amazed by what the world has to offer. Even on hopeless days, when things feel like they are falling apart. It still is not an organic reaction or a part of me. But I am increasingly grateful. It has gone beyond just the people, work, choices in my life. It is more than that. Coming from a place I still cannot describe or put a finger on. But I am grateful.
May be what you seek, really, is seeking you?

Thursday, May 17, 2012

out of the comfort zone

Living with brother, the one thing in my life which changed a lot was 'time I spent cooking'. Well in India, getting maids for cooking is handy and reliable too!


So the previous 4 years habit of, when I was living on my own, working, studying and still finding out time to cook and eat healthy food changed gradually. Initially I would insist on making subji or some minor side dish, just out of a compulsion. It did take a really long time and lectures from brother, over 'how I eat really bland (read non spicy) food compared to him'. And then my cooking got reduced to weekends (specially for curries), further ahead only when the maid was on leave.


And its not that I did not like 'not cooking'. In a way I got more free time to do other things, read books, bring work at home (:P), watch tv etc etc.  But I did grab every opportunity to cook that came to me.


cooked italian style and later eaten with
loads of grated cheese!
So this past week and the coming week, the maid's on leave. I have been cooking evening meals since last Saturday. I have made bhindi, methi, palak, dosa, kadhi, khichdi, roti etc etc since then. And I am feeling comfortable in this new schedule. Packed end to end and stretching my daily limits. Looking forward to sweating it out in the kitchen. And I am sure once my mojo is totally back, I will try more fun stuff, the way I had gotten used to, as a student and working girl.  


The only dilemma is saying bye bye to the maid. I mean imagine I telling her, 'you cannot continue work with us because I really like the job you do. Of course having you around is a comfort, because that way I can bring work home, do random things. But miss out on some thing I really enjoy.' I am not sure how she would react to this. Not only this, but firing someone for no mistake of theirs is the second tough job I see here. 


Both tasks out of my comfort zone. And hence strangely attracted to them.


Of course we can get a new maid/ask old maid to come back, if all this extending zones takes a toll. But worth trying, right ?


~nightflier

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Leap of faith

2 years ago a girl overcame all the inertia of her comfortable and cozy life, and left home to fulfil a dream. 2 years hence, still the dreamy child at heart, a bit dazed by life, is going back home. Things have definitely changed. She has grown up. Life is clouded by directionless clues. But the journey is still looked forward to. 


~nightflier


P.S. I think blogging is cleansing. Sometimes empty spaces are damn good listeners! :)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Pursuit of happy-ness

Life isn't always easy. Specially when you grow up and are constantly reminded how your decisions will affect the coming days and shape them. In all the chaos of what job to take up, whom to love, whom to marry, where to live, where to settle down, I think happy-ness always takes a back seat. As the theory of cognitive dissonance says we program ourselves to believe that if you do a certain somethings you will definitely achieve that state.


But what about the child playing by the sea shore and his sense of achievement in finding the weirdest shaped pebbles ? What about the sense of wonder ? What about that joy ?


I think you can either always follow your heart and be happy with the consequences. Or follow the norms as defined by someone else and hope to be happy, as everyone around you seems to be so. But are they ? I see a lot of people struggling to make a bright future at the cost of their present. A lot of people relocating against their wishes, taking up jobs which they would have never imagined themselves doing, marrying someone just because they have no other option, leading an unhappy life just because it would be unwise to do otherwise.
In today's world of economic downturns and recession, has following one's heart, taking decisions because that's what you would love to do or like to be, become such a big risk ? You rather choose the safe options or do what you think will make you happy ? 


For someone who has always believed fooling oneself to do something that you dont like, is the biggest betrayal of any kind, life seems to be at crossroads.


Time shall definitely tell.


~nightflier

Monday, May 24, 2010

Life in the slow zone

Most of you will agree that life as a student is slow except for those elevated periods of activity and exhaustion during exams and semester end. But on a routine basis if you follow a time table life is more or less the same. Having done that for almost 2 years I was REALLY looking forward to get my hands dirty in the real world and start working. It seems god or one of his subordinates with a mean sense of humour has different plans (cos I think I have a friendly relation with mr. god. I know he is reading this! coy smile). 


Anyhow that throws me in the slow zone (what I sometimes also call the unpredictable zone) once again! To tell the truth, I did get caught a bit off guard here. But after 4-5 days of lamenting and sob stories (to myself), I am back to being an optimist. Sigh..


I am planning to learn a few new programming languages/tools (Strictly for AwareNet purposes).
Also in the pipeline is a lot of reading. The pending reading list seems to grow by day and looms on me menacingly. In a wake up you lazy ass way.
The evening walks are an integral part of my day now. Planning to add badminton sessions. Any bakras in picture or vicinity ? Well, playing with imaginary friends doesn't quite look appropriate for my age now. 
And in the cooking section we have Mark uncle making a re-entry. Of course he will be on Minimalist and me in my kitchen.
On the gadget front if I can carry it off then try to download cool applications and games for my iTouch. Seriously it must be feeling ignored/rejected/sad with my meagre musical needs and limited use. But pretty soon I will be as cool as Tony Stark. Hope floats!


And not on the list is any TV related activity. Because I pulled up a crazy stunt of watching 5 seasons of Lost in 15 days (Each episode lasts for 42-45 minutes :-|) Now I have a pretty good gist of how its going to end. If you have heard of parallel universes and infinite dimensions you might know what I am talking about. And if you are somewhere between season 1 and 5 or don't watch it, then don't bother. This isnt even a spoiler. So I hope there are no chappals or chopsticks coming my way ? Phew!
Waise in my defence I thought any free time before starting work is like your last few days on earth before doomsday. Well watching 5 seasons of Lost will not be anyone's choice in such situation, but let's agree people are weird. Waise I am on episode 4 of season 6 now, if you were still thinking.
The effect of this incessant Lost bombardment has been tremendous on my nervous system. I have lost (the verb) appetite for tv. That also makes my stomach churn at the thought of movies. Now that's pretty bad for a fanatic. So I beg you to not suggest any more new tv series by amreekan versions of Ekta Kapoors. I also hope the damage does not last long.


So now coming to the point behind this non stop badbad, please suggest me good books on design of products, entrepreneurship and marketing. Not my cup-o-tea all this stuff. Par kya karein karna padta hai.
Also if any of you at any point of time has developed a facebook/mobile custom application, kindly let me know. 
And be a good girl/boy and help your technologically challenged (lazy more like) friend by suggesting nice iTouch/phone applications (needn't be useful). Also let me know what your plans for summer are, in case things get really slow, I might gatecrash (into ?) them.


Parting songs of the moment(s) : 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91QBcm07kXE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8me1GXijJA


(Go ahead my friend. Click them. Sometimes clicking unknown links can make all the difference :))


~nightflier

Friday, December 4, 2009

dilemma

OK so here I am. 


We are group of 4 people as part of a course project. 3 guys and me. 2 guys are working and the remaining 2 (me and other guy) are full time students.
And a very tricky part of the project requires that we all sit together and scratch our heads to optimize time and output. This working together process can be accomplished in a number of ways.


1. We all Skype.
2. Working guys come to school and we work from there.
3. Me and other guy go to the working guys place and work from there. This requires us to stay over, as they live in far off suburbs. (one of the working guy is a real good friend btw).


And here's what happened.



1. We skyped and worked through screen sharing. It was a chaos. Understanding accents in front of each other is different. But on phone, it can get really tricky to understand what exactly the other person is saying.
2. The working guys came to school, to get some work done. But half our time got wasted in finding a place where people were not getting disturbed cos of our brain storming. We did get some real work done this time. But then the working guys were tired and anxious of missing the shuttle bus to back home every 15 minutes. In short it was an evening full of distractions.
3. We (non working) people also went to the other school campus, so that it would be easier for the working guys to join us. Again travelling time, finding a suitable conference room etc reduced the efficiency.
4. Now we are needed to travel to the suburbs, to finish off the project.


And here's where it all started.
I am normally a flexible person who would not mind working extra hours and staying up late to get work done. So when I told friend 1 and 2 about this, they said, are you sure you want to go and stay over, being the only girl ?
Ummm seriously, this thought had not entered my mind (I do think of myself as a girl :P). I dont have any trust issues (or may be I have, me blogging about it kinda proves it!). The only thing I was concerned about was travelling for 2 hours (yah yah, lazy me!) with my 3 kg inspiron. So the whole only-girl-in-the-group-being-flexible-about-working-and-staying-up-at-a-guys-place thing, has started to make me uncomfortable. There's one side which says WORK is important who doesnt want to have a time crunch at the end and who thinks that, if she doesnt go then they will judge her for being Indian in her attitude (no offence but we are considered orthodox). वैसे मैं भारत के लिए कुछ भी कर सकती हूँ. 
May be I am giving it too much thought. At least now!


And then friend 3 said that 'You can always get work done! But first you should think about being comfortable.' Nice thought, miss practicality. 


As for me, I am still in doldrums over what to do.


Suggestions ?
Btw the project has 30% grade and its real important that we get an A on that one to maintain a good GPA (its a grad school thing, tum nahi samjhoge, non-grad-school-Rahul ;))


~nightflier



P.S. In such classic situations where I am in a dilemma, I normally go by my last minute decisions. I wrote it down, cos I know as girls, we do have to face such situations all the time (ok, at least once in a while). 

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Packers and Movers, Inc.

I have a knack for doing things impromptu and hence when I decided to go on the 2 months sabbath, it came with the added attractions of packing and shifting.

Now both these phenomenon are something I am not new to. Thanks to 6 years on the move; sometimes shifting from hostel rooms, sometimes changing apartments, sometimes cities to sometimes (ok, once :D) countries. And I thoroughly enjoy the experience. Not just because it tests my how-to-STUFF-stuff-meant-for-4-bags-in-2-bags skills or allows me to gape-at-my-shopping-skills-for-collecting-unwanted-goods-over-a-short-span, but it takes me down memory lanes, twisting and twirling, sometimes making me happy, sad, vulnerable, excited and reflect in general.

So this time while doing this deeply cleansing (and rewarding!!) exercise, I realized how much I hold on to the past. Innumerable restaurant bills, memoirs of shopping trips, stick notes of to do lists, time tables, tonnes of rough work done while studying which should have been trashed, kilos of stationary, drafts of blogs on parchments of resto/shopping bills, etc etc. Believe it or not, for a moment I actually thought that I romanticize the past. And then pro-actively and quiet immediately things were trashed.

Decision has been taken. Memories are forever. They don't need proofs or evidences. And as I go along the path of life, I shall treasure the memories and try not to grab on to the evidences, for the simple reason that I don't live in a palace :)

~nightflier!

P.S. Note to self: Collecting and taking snaps is something above all this, though :)

Friday, January 23, 2009

ye kya cheeze hai ??

We (me and my room-mate) were in a catch 22 situation a few days back. 

The premise :
We were looking for a room mate to share the apartment with. We wanted a single female who could take the bed room to herself (and give half the rent, the actual 'catch'!!), so that the place would be less crowded. Plus we have high quality compliance in terms of cleanliness of the place, so we wanted as less people sharing it as possible (that would be 3). Plus we could not move out as it would mean breaking the lease and hence losing money!

Now every female who checked out the apartment thought the rent was too much considering our apartment is a convertible (they thought it would affect their privacy! what about our privacy dear ? An invalid point!). Plus other factors like, it is off campus and the walk would be too much during winters (females I tell you!!). 

So this problem of single-person-taking-room-to-herself-and-paying-half-rent had no practical solution. And 15 days of the month were already over.
We changed the premise by offering the same room to 2 persons instead of 1. The response to this offer was not tremendous either. We were particularly interested in desi females, considering ease of communication and similar food habits. So even though we had open proposals from 2-3 females, who looked more like frauds, because they would call up and ask what we were doing on the weekends (creepy!!), we had no fixed roommates. Time was really running out. So much that I had myself called for extreme measure of moving out and take out my roommate as well. 

Then one fine day a Chinese guy called up and asked if the place was still available. His 2 female friends were looking for an apartment. We thoughtfully said yes, thinking even if they take up this room, they will have each other and will not be left out. And as the almighty wanted it, they loved the place (we have amazing track record in this category. Everyone who has checked out the place for living has loved it, till date). These girls had just landed from China and were really excited about being on their own. This was serious decision making. Because it was not just sharing rooms, it was sharing cultures and being (or at least learn to be) comfortable about it. It was a 2 way deal. And since we had no bright alternative, we bravely took this decision of sharing the apartment with 2 really cute and wonderful Chinese girls. It has been a good experience. Our house is a multi cultural pot pourri now!

As for the title of the post, thank my filmy brain. 
Now whenever I enter the kitchen and see something unusual and different, I ask myself 

Ye kya cheeze hai ?

My filmy brain answers 

Ye cheeze nahi stupid, Chinese hai !! :D :D

Courtesy - Kal ho na ho!

~nightflier